Phase 88 translation script

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Phase 88 translation script

Post by meeps_hitchie » Wed Jul 01, 2009 4:44 am

So, here goes my first contribution to translating GLO.

Page numbers match those printed on the scanned pages.
To distinguish between the abbreviations for pages and panels, I used S- for pages (based on the German word "Seite", guess for this manga it's okay) and p for panels.
If the same character keeps talking over several panels, I mostly don't repeat the name.
Where there are several speech bubbles, even double ones, I separate the portions I would insert for every bubble by a hyphen "-", though where I spend some special attention, I tend to use a new line.
Sound effects (SFX), or onomatopoeia, are ever a funny part of Japanese comics and they don't always sound as good to a "Westerner's" ear. I transliterated the Katakana in capital letters and added a suggestion of my own in lower case letters inside quotation marks where a sound appears for the first time in the chapter, often with a description of what the sound is supposed to describe.
Where a sound effect ends with a small Katakana "tsu" I write an apostrophe "'"
On some occasions I added something to what a character says, because I thought it would help understanding. E.g. S-09, p4.
Comments may be either labelled or follow in parentheses on the same line. They may include alternative translations of which I suspect they would be too long to accomodate in the available space.

I favor a fluent comic book style over an accurate rendition of the Japanese wording. In places where I resorted to particularly free interpreting too keep things snappy I added a comment to that effect.
Anywhoo... without further ado, here it comes:



Phase 88

S-07
Title: The enemy who shakes the old war dogs
Comment: The most literal translation of the first three kanji would be "past war(s) warriors". I chose "old war dogs" because I think the implication is that Zazzie and her comerades are experienced fighters.
Also, the verb "shake" here implies "playing", in the way a gale plays with a ship on the waves for example. It can also be translated as flirting. As the chapter unravels, you will find that a mix of all three possible translation is appropriate. We just don't have a verb that would allow all three meanings.


S-08
Sidetext: Attack of the mysterious <woman>!!
SFX: GAGAAAN (metal, i.d. parts of the train, crashing - "kabong")

S-09
p1 Kong: Mauer...... - He ain't the guy to act this silly...
Comment: Kong is probably referring to the earlier Münchhausen move, which must have been something totally out of character for Mauer.
SFX: PYUUUUU (air whistling by - "fyoo-oo-oo-oo")
p2 Zazzie: Did you see anyone other than the <woman> Mauer talked about!?
p3 Kong: Ain't seen zip.
p4 Zazie: (What about you) Trevor?
p5 Trevor!?

S-10
p1 SFX: PYUUUUU
3x KURU (Trevor's head coming apart - "scrape")
p2 SFX: DOSHA ("flump")
2x KORO (Slice of Trevor's head rolling away - "roll")
p3 Kong: Was he hit by debrits!? Poor sod...
Zazzie: No way, check the cuts.
p4 It's an enemy attack!! Watch out, Kong!!
p5 Kong!?

S-11
SFX: PYUUUUU
GO-O-O (sound of train rushing along - "shoo-oom")

S-12
Woman: Now I'm right behind you.
SFX: BOS' (it's either a little nudge - "bump" - or one of those onomatopoeia that don't so much describe a sound as an effect)
Comment: Literally the shadowy figure is saying "I'm close at your back among other things." Obvoiusly she's been wreaking havoc a little bit everywhere recently. Now she's at Zazzie's back, though.

S-13
p1 SFX: DAGAGAGA (machine gun fire - "brrratatat")
p2 Woman: UFUFU ("snigger")
p3 SFX: DAN (Zazzie's boot pushing off the metal floor - "tonk")
p4 SFX: BA' (I don't think there's a sound for people flying through the wrecked cabin of a rushing train. That's one of those "dramatic effect onomatopoeia" again. Maybe "whup" would be adequate.)

S-14
p2 Zazzie: *She's matching every move at my back!*
P3 SFX: GA' (Zazzie's boot catching in handhold - "klonk")
p4 SFX: GYUN (Must be the sound of Zazzie's footwork as she turns around. "twist")

S-15
p1 SFX: BABA' ("flap-flap")
p3 SFX: PAN ("Paf")

S-16
p1 SFX: PAN (repeat - different perspective)
GO-O-O-O
p2 SFX: DO-O-N DO-O-N (two impacts a block or two away)
GO-O-O-O

S-17
p1 SFX: PYUN (something thin describing an arc around Zazzies neck - "zing")
p2 SFX: BATCH' (the same thing tearing into the nuzzle of Zazzie's gun. - "zunk")
p3 Zazzie: *A shoe lace!?*
p4 Woman: Gut! (German for "good" - I guess most people here would know.)

S-18
p1 Zazzie: *Well, if she keeps sticking at my back*
SFX: GO-O-O
p2 SFX: GAK' (Zazzie's boot hooking into the woman's leg - "catch")
p3 Zazzie: *Let's stay like this until we hit the track*

S-19
p1 Woman: Sehr gut! (German for "very good") - But
p2 If I do this, then what will you do?
SFX: KURUN ("flip")
p3 SFX: GA-' (sound of floor rushing past before Zazzie's face as she has been turned around 180°. - "shraaa")
p4 SFX: GA' (Sound of something hard hitting as revealed on the next page - "skrak")

S-20
p3 SFX: GO-O-O-O-O ("shoo-oo-oo-oom")
p4 SFX: GISH' (Zazzie's boots catching hold of the train's coupling device. "squeeze")

S-21
p1 Woman: A-ha-ha. - Gut. - Sehr gut.
SFX: JI-JI-JI (scraping of Zazzie's gun against the floor - "zizizi")
SFX: GO-O-O-O
p2 Woman: Being caught in the back during battle has its implications!!
SFX: PYUUUU
Woman: Still, even by martian standards of fighting with calm precision,
it is a rare honor to meet a soldier with as much pluck as you.
Comment: I had to lose a lot of detail here, but anything closer to the original would have been both too mystifying and too long to fit into the available speech bubbles.

S-22
p1 SFX: PIN (Incidentally this sounds like what it is. But maybe we would describe the sound with "ping")
SFX: JI-JI-JI-JI
Zazzie: Vain talk...
p2 You kill me, I strike.
SFX: GU' ("squeeze")
p3 Woman: Aha'
p4 SFX: TON (Woman jumps off Zazzie's back - "thup")
p5 SFX: BA' (Zazzie landing on the wagon's platform. - "bof")

S-23
p1 SFX: PYUOOOO (whistling air from slightly different angle. - "fyoo-o-o-o-o")
SFX: JA' (Zazzie scanning her surroundings. - "chak")
p3 SFX: WU-U-U-N (A humming sound emanating from Zazzie's arm. - "woo-oo-oo-m")
p4 SFX: WU-U-U-U-N (same sound more pronounced)

S-24
p2 SFX: GAN (Zazzie shooting her arm to stop the vibration. - "blam")
p3 Woman: Hu-uh, you... - know about "Verschlag".

S-25
p1 Woman: I thought this trick wasn't known to anyone, though.
Comments: "hazu" is one of those expressions that don't translate directly if you want an intelligible sentence. Think of it as meaning "probability", "likelyhood" or "chances" expressing a strong personal expectation of how something should (or should not) be.
"soto" means "outside" or "another (person)", it is the "gai" of "gaijin" (foreigner). So one could translate it as "outsider" (with regard to Panzerkunst initiates). But considering how surprised even a "Krieger" was at Gallie's use of a Geheimnis and how Künstler must have become so rare as to be deemed extinct, I opted for our mystery woman using "soto" in relation to herself rather than the entire school of Panzerkunst.

p2 Zazzie: You... - use "Panzerkunst"!!
Comment: Literally translated Zazzie says "You are a Panzerkunst user!!" - Fine too, if it fits into the speech bubble.
p3 SFX: PYUUUU
Woman: If you had jumped off the wagon just then, you might have escaped. - Why did you stay?
p4 Zazzie: Silly question. - Think I can tail it back in disgrace with my subordinates slaughtered?

S-26
p1 Woman: I would have loved to talk some more with you, but... unfortunately - time's up, isn't it.
Comment: I wouldn't mind leaving the "ne" instead of translating it with "isn't it". Guess it's safe enough to assume that readers are otaku enough to know this peculiarity of Japanese.
p2 ---: This being the terminus.
SFX: GA-' (train rushing towards dead end - "shaa")

S-27
p1 Zazzie: You are the second Panzerkunst user to blow me a Verschlag... - The first... must have been Yôko.
Comment: Again the intricacies of the Japanese original wouldn't all fit into a speech bubble, nor would they make much sense. So I'll leave it at this interpretation.

S-28
p1 Woman: When was that!?
P2 Zazzie: *Got her!* (Okay, literally it's *There's a reaction!*)
Now she goes by the name of Gally... - Said she'd appear at the ZOTT starting in a few weeks. - Likely you'll see her on TV.
p3 Woman: That kid... - Survived...!?

S-29
p1 SFX: PI-N (Handle of the grenade breaking off. - "pling")
p2 Zazzie: *NOW!!*

S-30
p2 Zazzie: Wha... - What is this place!?

S-31
p1 Zazzie: That woman... - The wagon, where'd they go? - *Can't tell up from down...This zero G!?*
p2 Can't hear a thing... - Not a sound......
p3 No... - Wrong......

S-32
p1 A roar!!
p2 A head splitting roar!!
p3 Voice: ......I changed... - my mind...
Zazzie: *It's that woman's... voice...!!*

S-33
p1 Voice: I'll let you live...... - a little while more...
p3 SFX: GOGOGO ("rumble")
p4 Zazzie: *Something huge coming down...* - *The Moon...!?*

S-34-35
SFX: GO-O-O-O (Oversize granade falling. Same sound as the rushing train.)

S-36
SFX: DOKA' ("kablam")

S-37
p1 SFX: DOGAGA-A-A-N (What's left of the wagon hurtling past the end of the track. - "badabong")
Sidetext: Incredible utter defeat...! (The first word is "shinjigatai" which simply translated means "hard to believe". It can either stand on its own or reflect a characters perspective (e.g. Zazzie's). If it's the latter, another appropriate translation might be "Bitter utter defeat...!" It could even go as far as to be a comment from the character, as in "Hard to believe we were utterly defeated...!" Then again, it might be the title of the next chapter. I didn't check, yet.)
p2 Intercom: Alpha team, please come in.
p3 Alpha team!?

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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by Dharko » Wed Jul 01, 2009 10:12 am

Well, as I said it, "First the facts, then the applauses", now is time for all my applauses for U meeps, and welcome to this little team.

questions:
- Did you translate directly it from japo or another source?

- The sfx and trans are literals, right? if is like this, excellent.

- Coul you check the titles of phases 84-85-86-87-88 (first pages of every phase) and the sfx too please? :mrgreen:


And again, welcome.


Ups, this is my post n°100, Did I win anything? :mrgreen:

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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by Burning Angel » Wed Jul 01, 2009 10:37 am

Nice, a Japanese-English translation. Thanks!!!!

S-07
Title: The enemy who shakes the old war dogs // The enemy who shakes the old dogs of war

("war dogs" are actually real dogs used in the military and in warfare, while "dogs of war" is another name for Mercenary (soldiers motivated by economic gain);

the term first appeared Shakespeare's Julius Caesar (1599):

Julius Caesar, Act III, Scene 1

MARC ANTONY (Marcus Antonius) Speaks:
Blood and destruction shall be so in use,
And dreadful objects so familiar,
That mothers shall but smile when they behold
Their infants quarter'd with the hands of war;
All pity choked with custom of fell deeds:
And Caesar's spirit, raging for revenge,
With Atë by his side come hot from hell,
Shall in these confines with a monarch's voice
Cry "Havoc!" and let slip the dogs of war;
That this foul deed shall smell above the earth
With carrion men, groaning for burial.

"Havoc": a 12th century military command used to direct soldiers to plunder and destroy a village

Atë: The Greek goddess of Ruin, Delusion and Misfortune

As you can see, Sheakspeare's meaning of Dogs of War was something like Barbarians or Beasts of War)

S-09
p1 Kong: Mauer...... - He ain't the guy to act this silly... // Mauer...... - He isn't the guy to act this silly... (isn't seems more correct)

BTW: Zazzie // Zazie (that is the official spelling for the character)

S-25
p2 Zazzie: You... - use "Panzerkunst"!! // You... - use Panzer Kunst!!

S-27
p1 Zazzie: You are the second Panzerkunst user to blow me a Verschlag... - The first... must have been Yôko. // You are the second Panzer Kunst user (or Kunstler) to blow me a Verschlag... - The first... must have been Yôko.

BTW: Congrats Dharko
Last edited by Burning Angel on Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:26 pm, edited 5 times in total.

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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by BAA Fan » Wed Jul 01, 2009 11:03 am

Thanks for the Translation!
I will do a scanlation if you don't mind i will post it here. (Only 5 pages and I'm ready).

Thanks again!

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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by Burning Angel » Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:31 pm

BAA Fan, maybe you wait until Sergio writes his corrected version here.

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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by BAA Fan » Thu Jul 02, 2009 12:50 pm

It is already ready.

if it's not wanted i dont need to share it
Last edited by BAA Fan on Thu Jul 02, 2009 4:33 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by Cailon » Thu Jul 02, 2009 1:34 pm

Mh, its the same as with phase 89. Should I thank you or should I say "What have you done?" ^^

I mean, whats the problem in waiting a bit - even more since the phases in between aren't out either. We've always tried to release good scanlations of our beloved manga in this forum, which includes good cleaning and proofreading. Why not applying to this standard. Is insisting on that conservative? Maybe, but the results speak for themselves ;) We go slowly but steady and in HQ.

In this scanlation, the first page's text isn't in it, the first and next to last page aren't cleaned. Neither does it include even BurningAngels corrections nor the translator notes (when meeps_hitchie tried to back up all of his choices of words). Plus it has more mistakes, like Gally vs. Alita.

I indeed appreciate your enthusiasm but I think nobody is satisfied with a speed-scan. We're not reading our weekly Naruto/Bleach/One Piece here, after all. We have one month between each new phase, so lets use this time and make it a decent release! And even if we only spend 2 weeks on every phase, we'll catch up to the monthly releases in no time. :)

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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by Dharko » Thu Jul 02, 2009 9:18 pm

I mean, whats the problem in waiting a bit...
This is the "Gantz manga Complex"... Cailon :roll:
Plus it has more mistakes, like Gally vs. Alita.
To insist with "Alita" has been always a mistake, I´m sorry Cailon. But is your election, I respect that , but I don´t share it. :wink:

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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by HumanRage » Thu Jul 02, 2009 9:41 pm

Cailon wrote:Mh, its the same as with phase 89. Should I thank you or should I say "What have you done?" ^^

I mean, whats the problem in waiting a bit - even more since the phases in between aren't out either. We've always tried to release good scanlations of our beloved manga in this forum, which includes good cleaning and proofreading. Why not applying to this standard. Is insisting on that conservative? Maybe, but the results speak for themselves ;) We go slowly but steady and in HQ.

In this scanlation, the first page's text isn't in it, the first and next to last page aren't cleaned. Neither does it include even BurningAngels corrections nor the translator notes (when meeps_hitchie tried to back up all of his choices of words). Plus it has more mistakes, like Gally vs. Alita.

I indeed appreciate your enthusiasm but I think nobody is satisfied with a speed-scan. We're not reading our weekly Naruto/Bleach/One Piece here, after all. We have one month between each new phase, so lets use this time and make it a decent release! And even if we only spend 2 weeks on every phase, we'll catch up to the monthly releases in no time. :)
it's not a matter of being satisfied, it is about the primal urg to read chapters one after the another without having to guess or cross reference a text translation and raw pictures

fast, trashy LQ is good if there is a HQ following with 2 or 3 weeks later, not a problem at all.

hell, if the script is finished, hand me this and i will paintbrush it myself, just for the sake of reading it with meaning in the bubbles...
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. (Oscar Wilde)
Corporations have no soul to save, and they have no body to incarcerate. (Baron Thurlow)

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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by Sergio Nova » Thu Jul 02, 2009 11:01 pm

Phase 88 – translation script
Japanese-English translation by meeps_hitchie
Quality-checking by Burning Angel & Sergio

[The page numbers here follow the order in the raw]



Phase 88

Page 01
Phase: 88 – The enemy who shakes the old dogs of war

Page 02
Sidetext: Attack of the mysterious “woman”!!
SFX: kabong

Page 03
panel 1
Kong: Mauer…
Kong: He ain’t the guy to act this silly...
SFX: fyoo-oo-oo-oo

panel 2
Zazie: Did you see anyone other than the “woman” Mauer talked about!?

panel 3
Kong: Ain’t seen zip.

panel 4
Zazie: Trevor?

panel 5
Zazie: Trevor!?
Footnote: Kong is probably referring to the earlier Münchhausen move, which must have been something totally out of character for Mauer.

Page 04
panel 1
SFX: scrape

panel 2
SFX: flump – 2x KORO (Slice of Trevor's head rolling away - "roll")

panel 3
Kong: Was he hit by debris!? Poor sod...
Zazie: No way! Check the cuts.!

panel 4
Zazie: It's an enemy attack!! Watch out, Kong!!

panel 5
Zazie: !?
Zazie: Kong!?

Page 05
panel 1
SFX: PYUUUUU

panel 2
shoo-oom

Page 06
panel 1
Erica: Now I'm right behind you!
SFX: bump

Page 07
panel 1
SFX: brrratatat

panel 2
Erica: snigger

panel 3
SFX: tonk

panel 4
SFX: WHUP

Page 08
panel 2
Zazie: She's matching every move at my back!

panel 3
SFX: klonk

Panel 4
SFX: twist

Page 09
panel 1
SFX: flap-flap

panel 3
SFX: Paf

Page 10
panel 1
SFX: Paf

panel 2
SFX: Boo-oom

Page 11
panel 1
SFX: zing

panel 2
SFX: zunk

panel 3
Zazie: A shoe lace!?

panel 4
Erica: Gut!

Page 12
panel 1
Zazie: Well, if she keeps sticking at my back…
SFX: GO-O-O

panel 2
SFX: catch

panel 3
Zazie: Let's stay like this until we hit the track!

Page 13
panel 1
Erica: Sehr gut!
Erica: But…

panel 2
Erica: If I do this, then what will you do?
SFX: flip

panel 3
SFX: shraaa

panel 4
SFX: skrak

Page 14
panel3
SFX: shoo-oo-oo-oom

panel 4
SFX: squeeze

Page 15
panel 1
Erica: A-ha-ha!
Erica: Gut!
Erica: Sehr gut!
SFX: zi zi zi
SFX: GO-O-O-O

panel 2
Erica: Being caught in the back during battle has its implications!!
SFX: PYUUUU
Erica: Still, even by Martian standards of fighting with calm precision…
Erica: …it is a rare honor to meet a soldier with as much pluck as you.

Page 16
panel 1
SFX: PING
SFX: zi zi zi zi
Zazie: Vain talk...

panel 2
You kill me, I strike.
SFX: squeeze

panel 3
Erica: Aha!

panel 4
SFX: thup

panel 5
SFX: bof

Page 17
panel 1
SFX: fyoo-o-o-o-o
SFX: chak

panel 3
SFX: woo-oo-oo-m

panel 4
SFX: : woo-oo-oo-m

Page 18
panel 2
SFX: blam

panel 3
Erica: Hu-uh, you...
Erica: …know about "Verschlag".

Page 19
panel 1
Erica: I thought this trick wasn't known to anyone, though.

panel 2
Zazie: You...
Zazie: …are a “Künstler”!!

panel 3
SFX: PYUUUU
Erica: If you had jumped off the car just then, you might have escaped.
Erica: Why did you stay?

panel 4
Zazie: Silly question.
Zazie: Think I can tail it back in disgrace with my subordinates slaughtered?

Page 20
panel 1
Erica: I would have loved to talk some more with you, but... unfortunately…
Erica: …time's up, isn't it?

panel 2
Erica: This being the terminus.
SFX: shaa

Page 21
panel 1
Zazie: You are the second Künstler to blow me a Verschlag...
Zazie: The first... must have been Yoko.

Page 22
panel 1
Erica: When was that!?

panel 2
Zazie: Got her!
Zazie: Now she goes by the name of Alita.
Zazie: Said she'd appear at the ZOTT starting in a few weeks.
Zazie: Likely you'll see her on TV.

panel 3
Erica: That kid...
Erica: Survived...!?

Page 23
panel 1
SFX: PLING

panel 2
Zazie: NOW!!

Page 24
panel 2
Zazie: Wha...
Zazie: What is this place!?

Page 25
panel 1
Zazie: That woman...
Zazie: The car, where'd they go?
Zazie: Can't tell up from down...This zero G!?

panel 2
Zazie: Can't hear a thing...
Zazie: Not a sound......

panel 3
Zazie: No...
Zazie: Wrong......

Page 26
panel 1
Zazie: A roar!!

panel 2
Zazie: A head splitting roar!!

panel 3
Erica: …I’ve changed...
Erica: …my mind...
Zazie: It's that woman's... voice...!!

Page 27
panel 1
Erica: I'll let you live…
Erica: …a little while more…

panel 3
SFX: rumble

panel 4
Zazie: Something huge coming down...
Zazie: The Moon...!?

Page 28-29
SFX: GO-O-O-O

Page 30
SFX: kablam

Page 31
panel 1
SFX: badabong
Sidetext: Incredible Anihilation...!
panel 2
Intercom: Alpha team, please come in.

panel 3
Intercom: Alpha team!?
Last edited by Sergio Nova on Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:07 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by Sergio Nova » Thu Jul 02, 2009 11:06 pm

Dharko wrote:
Plus it has more mistakes, like Gally vs. Alita.
To insist with "Alita" has been always a mistake, I´m sorry Cailon. But is your election, I respect that , but I don´t share it. :wink:
It's not a case of agreeing or not. To change Gally for Alita was no one here's idea, but Viz's. The problem is that we have to follow a standard, thus the only standard in the market is the American edition, simply because we are publishing this masterpiece in English.

I agree entirely, and so does Cailon, as well as many members in this community, that changing Gally for Alita is a sort of heresy. The same applies to Salem/Tiphares, Ketheres/Jeru and so on.

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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by Sergio Nova » Thu Jul 02, 2009 11:13 pm

HumanRage wrote: it's not a matter of being satisfied, it is about the primal urg to read chapters one after the another without having to guess or cross reference a text translation and raw pictures
Let me try to simplify the matter.
Our chief-editor is mourning for his motherboard, and so are we all.

BAA FAN can make provisory scanlations. They will not be the official version yet, but they will certainly help a lot. Meantime, let me insist, BAA FAN, you could make all the phases, couldn't you? :D

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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by Burning Angel » Fri Jul 03, 2009 7:19 am

Finally, after months of waiting, the scanlations.

Page 03
panel 3
Kong: Haven’t seen zip. // I haven't seen zip.

Page 04
panel 3
Kong: Was he hit by debrits!? Poor guy... // Was he hit by debris!? Poor guy... (spelling)

Page 19
panel 3
Erica: If you had jumped off the wagon just then, you might have escaped. // If you had jumped off the car just then, you might have escaped. (in this context, wagon doesn't fit for me)

Page 25
panel 1
Zazie: That woman...
Zazie: The wagon, where'd they go? // The car, where'd they go?

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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by Sergio Nova » Fri Jul 03, 2009 9:03 am

Text edited accordingly.

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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by Burning Angel » Fri Jul 03, 2009 10:13 am

I don't know anyone else, but I am in favor of waiting for the scanlations. Hell, if I have already waited several months, I can wait a few more days/weeks.

It's just the prespective of the scanlation is very atractive.

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BAA Fan
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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by BAA Fan » Fri Jul 03, 2009 11:37 am

Sergio wrote:
BAA FAN can make provisory scanlations. They will not be the official version yet, but they will certainly help a lot. Meantime, let me insist, BAA FAN, you could make all the phases, couldn't you? :D
Yes i can do provisory scanlations. I won't do HQ scanlations, becouse I will buy the HQ scanlation when its available in my country, so LQ's SL are fine with me. I have no Problem to do all the remianing Phases a LQ SL, but if i post it and the next user who posts says "fuck you" (if i make it short) i'm a little bit disappointed.

And to the topic of waiting for a trans for phase 83 (? don't have in mind which is the lowest with no trans), why should i wait for it? Anybody who wants to wait for this chapters can wait he don't have to read higher phases I don't see the problem.

And to the fact that i didn't scanlatet the sfx I don't want to paint in the pictures.

And the corrections aren't in ther becouse it was done bevore the corrections were there.

Ok if it is wished i can repost the download link.

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Dharko
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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by Dharko » Fri Jul 03, 2009 2:48 pm

You can do anything You want, BAA Fan, and all the other 358,6 people that appeared suddenly 5 days ago. Thank you. :wink:
[Obviously with the permission of Rippers]

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Cailon
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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by Cailon » Fri Jul 03, 2009 9:33 pm

At first I didn't want to answer because I thought everyone said his opinion and thats it. (I tried to be polite. If it was too harsh - sorry. But I didn't say "fuck you" and it was not the essence of my post).

But I see you have removed the DL link. Only because of me? As you can see, I'm pretty much alone with my opinion, other people here liked your scanlation. I just wrote what I thought, nothing more (this is a forum after all). I would never attack you personally beyond this scanlation (insulting people over the internet is a stupid habit).

So could you put the link back, Please? :)

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Sergio Nova
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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by Sergio Nova » Fri Jul 03, 2009 11:46 pm

BAA Fan wrote:
Sergio wrote: And to the topic of waiting for a trans for phase 83 (? don't have in mind which is the lowest with no trans), why should i wait for it? Anybody who wants to wait for this chapters can wait he don't have to read higher phases I don't see the problem.
What do you mean? Phase 83 is certainly translated. It was translated after phase 82 and before phase 84. And, no, this is not a joke. Take a look in the topic named "Phase 83 translation script".

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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by meeps_hitchie » Sat Jul 04, 2009 3:58 am

Whoa! Did I miss something! - (Been catching up on a little web project this week, no relation to manga, though.)

It warms my heart to see such prompt reactions, corrections, questions and suggestions.


@Dharko in reply to your
questions:
- Did you translate directly it from japo or another source?
- The sfx and trans are literals, right? if is like this, excellent.
- Coul you check the titles of phases 84-85-86-87-88 (first pages of every phase) and the sfx too please?
(1)
Yes, I translated directly from Jack'... I mean Japanese. Didn't use any other source.
It's a good point you've brought up here. German being the official language of the area I live in, I've seen paperback translations of manga volumes sold in bookstores here with every possible sign of having first been translated into either Spanish, English, French or a mixture of all these languages.
(2)
Oh, yes. The SFX are indeed literal transcriptions of the Japanese katakana into roman letters.
Over the years manga authors have come up "bevies" of SFX. But sound words have such a long tradition in Japanese that reachs even back to its classic literature. I love the Japanese approach to SFX. Another field I find equally amusing is the rendition laughter: from KYA-KYA-KYA to FOS-FOS-FOS.
(3)
OK, I'll check the titles of phases 84-89 ... provided they're still available in Japanese.

Thank you, Dharko, for your enthusiasm and inspiration.
Seeing the occasion of your 100th post: Happy Posting to you! (Sung to the Happy Birthday tune) :-D


@Burning Angel
Thanks for the correction and allusion to Shakespeare with the "dogs of war" in the title. That's very fitting for the philosophic spirit of this manga!

S-09
I didn't find Kong's Japanese polished enough to translate into "correct" English. Using "ain't" was my attempt at getting his somewhat monosyllabic language across.
By way of contrast: Zazie's language shows a distinctly higher register than Kong's in both vocabulary and verb endings. And Erica's borders on the ceremoniously polite.

Thanks for correcting my spelling on "debris" and Zazie's name.
I wrote Zazie's name from memory reading up on LO during the late hours of night. So, sorry if that was not accurate. :-P
As for the spelling of the character [si"], it depends on the transcript standard you're using. In the Hepburn system, which I normally favor, it would have been "Zaji". But there's nothing wrong with choosing whatever looks cooler in a manga.
About "wagon" vs. "car": text flow is indeed better with "car". The Japanese expression is overly explicit and too unpractical for a 1:1 translation anyway.

S-25 and others
To separate the words "Panzer" and "Kunst" would look totally legitimate to any English speaker and maybe it once was for the benefit of readers unfamiliar with German words. In German compound nouns are generally stuck together.
Examples: "martial arts" - "Kampfkunst" / "washing mashine" - "Waschmaschine" / "coffee cup" - "Kaffeetasse"
Trust me, it's "Panzerkunst" - one word, if you want an "authentic" teutonism. ;-)
But yeah, in the original manga PANZER and KUNST are two separate words in the footnote. So who am I to lecture against the original?

S-27
Künstler is indeed better for the text flow. I haven't seen enough of the original GLO to know if the designation "Künstler" is actually used and by whom. "Panzerkunst user" was a way of keeping a back door open just in case.

All in all that was a valuable quality check, Angel. Thank you very much.


@Cailon
I don't know about this Alita vs. Gally issue. I just stick to the Japanese original as much as I can. Truth be told, if it had been up to me back in the days of HFV Vol. 1, I would have written "Gary". After all, when Ido chooses that name for the cyborg he found, Gonzu objects: "Wasn't that the name of your pet cat who died last month? - On top of that a boy's..." (name, that is).
However, in HFV Vol.9 the last Ouroboros episode actually sees our protagonist under the name of Alita (looks cooler than Arita, yes) until this black fight worn cat shows up and "Alita" herself goes: "Ah, Gary has returned." Which is kind of funny, since the two never met.

@Sergio
If it helps, I can adopt the "Dark Horse" standards in later translations.
Oh, and I could adopt your layout and numbering for next time, too.

You're the one who made the glossary, so I'll defer to your decisions about standards.
And much obliged I am for it, too.


@BAA Fan & HumanRage
I understand your wish to see the manga with the translations and I admire your impetus.
For my own practical purposes I find scrolling through a translation script very convenient while splitting hairs over translation details.



Finally here some inputs to the latest translation script

Page 9
panel 3
SFX: Paf

Page 10
panel 1
SFX: PAN (repeat - different perspective) - GO-O-O-O // I take it you'll paste the earlier SFX translation from further up where you left the katakana transcript, right?

panel 2
SFX: DO-O-N DO-O-N - GO-O-O-O // Hmmm, maybe I should have suggested "boo-oom" for "DO-O-N"

Page 20
[About the usage of “ne”. It’s better to avoid it. Actually, the real dialogue is taken in German, although it is “translated” into Japanese, and thus Erica and Zazie will never say “ne”.
They'd say "nö" !!! ("¦-D (((@))) ... OK, Im being silly. Their talk is too formal to have such tags at the end of their sentences.

Page 31
panel 1
SFX: badabong
Sidetext: Hard to believe…! // The original side text includes the expression "complete defeat" and is not just limited to "hard to believe". So how about "Incredible Anihilation...!



It's been great fun and I'll be happy to do it again!
Und ve vant to ashure you zat ve haf no soughts or intenshons of using space for military purposes!

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Cailon
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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by Cailon » Sat Jul 04, 2009 8:37 am

meeps_hitchie wrote:@Cailon
I don't know about this Alita vs. Gally issue. I just stick to the Japanese original as much as I can. Truth be told, if it had been up to me back in the days of HFV Vol. 1, I would have written "Gary". After all, when Ido chooses that name for the cyborg he found, Gonzu objects: "Wasn't that the name of your pet cat who died last month? - On top of that a boy's..." (name, that is).
However, in HFV Vol.9 the last Ouroboros episode actually sees our protagonist under the name of Alita (looks cooler than Arita, yes) until this black fight worn cat shows up and "Alita" herself goes: "Ah, Gary has returned." Which is kind of funny, since the two never met.
Thanks for the input, man! :D

About Gally vs. Alita: somewhere I read that VIZ did the change, because they thought "Gally", spoken with english accent, would sound like "gully" (aka manhole). In a way, thats true. The story further tells that they'd choosen the name Alita out of the blue. Whatever it was, but it fits nicely with "Aelita, Queen of Mars", an important russian silent movie^^(the first sf-film ever). So the name "Alita" somewhat still has a conection to the original ;)
And most other publishers got theier early HFV from VIZ, so they kept the name Alita. Also, VIZ added "Battle Angel", to 1. make it an interesting title and 2. because "Battle Angel Alita" really rolls from your tongue in english.
For me its just a matter of custum, I grew up with "Alita" but I'd put that aside. But since its "standard" and "Alita" is used in all other releases...

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Sergio Nova
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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by Sergio Nova » Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:23 am

meeps_hitchie wrote:
S-09
I didn't find Kong's Japanese polished enough to translate into "correct" English. Using "ain't" was my attempt at getting his somewhat monosyllabic language across.
By way of contrast: Zazie's language shows a distinctly higher register than Kong's in both vocabulary and verb endings. And Erica's borders on the ceremoniously polite.
Kong’s text recovered.

meeps_hitchie wrote: I don't know about this Alita vs. Gally issue. I just stick to the Japanese original as much as I can. Truth be told, if it had been up to me back in the days of HFV Vol. 1, I would have written "Gary". After all, when Ido chooses that name for the cyborg he found, Gonzu objects: "Wasn't that the name of your pet cat who died last month? - On top of that a boy's..." (name, that is).
However, in HFV Vol.9 the last Ouroboros episode actually sees our protagonist under the name of Alita (looks cooler than Arita, yes) until this black fight worn cat shows up and "Alita" herself goes: "Ah, Gary has returned." Which is kind of funny, since the two never met.
No, it would never be Gary. Remember that in motorball her helmet brings her name written in Latin.

As to the cat named Alita, I understand that Kishiro made a joke with the American edition (even because American edition was repeated in German and Spanish, to say the least).

meeps_hitchie wrote: If it helps, I can adopt the "Dark Horse" standards in later translations.
Oh, and I could adopt your layout and numbering for next time, too.

You're the one who made the glossary, so I'll defer to your decisions about standards.
And much obliged I am for it, too.
Actually, I cannot understand what you mean by “Dark Horse” standard, and if you can adopt our standard layout-numbering, great!!

Thanks for the praise.

meeps_hitchie wrote:
Finally here some inputs to the latest translation script
Let me know if you agree with the last edition.

Thanks a lot for your contribution.

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Dharko
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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by Dharko » Tue Jul 07, 2009 10:08 pm

It's not a case of agreeing or not. To change Gally for Alita was no one here's idea, but Viz's. The problem is that we have to follow a standard, thus the only standard in the market is the American edition, simply because we are publishing this masterpiece in English.
An Horrible Standard IMO... I´m sorry. Publishing in english is not an excuse for it.

Say 100 times a lie doesn´t convert the lie in true.

But, is just MHO... who cares.

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Sergio Nova
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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by Sergio Nova » Tue Jul 07, 2009 11:49 pm

Dharko wrote: But, is just MHO... who cares.
I do, even because I respect your work.
If I was starting from scratch, I would certainly preserve the original nomenclature.
We are working with something that had been previously started. Going back to the original nomenclature would confuse many readers who are not as well informed as you are. As I said before, in many topics here, the confusion Gally/Alita, Salem/Tiphares, Jeru/Ketheres is ridiculous, to say the least; absurd, to be reasonable; heretic to be honest. The problem is that such a nomenclature is already a fact.
Last edited by Sergio Nova on Tue Jul 07, 2009 11:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Phase 88 translation script

Post by AOD » Tue Jul 07, 2009 11:50 pm

Just chiming in to say that I think meeps's script is excellent and I can't wait to see it along with the new crop of chapters that seem to have become translated all of a sudden! :D

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