Phase 89 translation script

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Cailon
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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by Cailon » Wed Oct 21, 2009 8:34 pm

@crazy: Yes, but the first page was missing! Our script starts out with page 02 ;)

Yeah here we are again, debating. ;) But I like litchi's corrections. Also, we should keep it two sentences, as in the french text.
So:

Countless ammunition has overcome/ overcame the enemy. Exept for one woman/ a single woman...


edit: @FadedDreams: Where is that missing text at the bottom right of page 02-03?

edit2: And I noticed that our footnote of page 16 seems to be from wikipedia. But has the french version the original YK footnote?
Here: Image

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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by Sergio Nova » Sat Oct 24, 2009 11:41 pm

Cailon wrote: edit: holy moly, minna no manga even has v.13 out already. Damn, we're far behind! ;) How's our volume-release going, btw?
Good question. I make your question mine. :?:

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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by crazyankan » Mon Oct 26, 2009 7:26 pm

I haven't talked to ^Ripper in ages :(
So don't expect a HQ volume release in the nearby future.
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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by crazyankan » Mon Oct 26, 2009 7:28 pm

Tell me when I should start typesetting.
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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by Cailon » Mon Oct 26, 2009 11:13 pm

Using babelfish, I translated the french footnote, can someone look over it? Its super-engrish.

A kind of touching death. A murderous technique held legend by certain Chinese martial arts or Karaté. It acts as an attack related to the channels of energy [of the body]. In 1957 has HongKong J.F. Guilby known as to have seen a combatant of Ho Shin Yang practising it. Its mechanism is strongly connect with the attacks of "Frau X".
[un sorte de toucher de la mort. un technique meutriére tenue légende par certains arts martiaux chinois ou le Karaté.Il s'agit d'une attaque portée sur les canaux d'énergie. En 1957 a Hong Kong J. F. Guilby dit avoir vu un combattant du Ho Shin Yang la pratiquer. Son méchanisme s'apparente fortement à l'attaque de "Frau X"]

@crazyankan: Someone has to check the footnote and Sergio has to edit that and the text for the first page into the script, after that I think we are ready!

Sad to hear with vol. 13 but anyway, ^ripper will come back I hope, sooner or later ;)

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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by Burning Angel » Tue Oct 27, 2009 12:12 am

Here is my version:

A type of touch of death. A deadly technique kept secret by certain Chinese martial arts and Karaté. It consists of a strike to the energy stream (of the body) (Ki). In 1957, J.F. Gilbey saw a combatiant of Ho Shin Yang use it in Hong Kong. It's mechanism is strongly connected to the attacks of "Frau X".

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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by Sergio Nova » Tue Oct 27, 2009 12:37 am


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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by FadedDreams » Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:00 am

I'm pretty sure only the title box in the top right got translated, but there is a couple lines in the corner that I don't believe have a translation. http://s74.photobucket.com/albums/i276/ ... nt=2-3.jpg

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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by Sergio Nova » Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:53 am

crazyankan wrote:I haven't talked to ^Ripper in ages :(
So don't expect a HQ volume release in the nearby future.
All right! It seems I will have to suicide.
Will that be enough to provoke a result?

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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by moooV » Tue Oct 27, 2009 10:09 am

I think, PMimg him is enough, he always answers quickly.
ac8dad43d497508fe83d143ee096c252

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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by Cailon » Tue Oct 27, 2009 10:48 am

@Burning Angel: Big thanks!

@Sergio: I know, but we all don't want the wikipedia-footnote, but the footnote Kishiro intended, right? ;) Our current one is just a wiki entry, so we had to translate the footnote from the french version.

@FadedDreams: uh, right, thanks!

Hm, the french version did forget it, too. I suppose its only something trivial as "Back at the HQ" or "A few hours after the battle", but who knows. Should we wait for a translation or should we just leave it out for the sake of finally releasing another chapter...?

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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by Burning Angel » Tue Oct 27, 2009 4:11 pm

Want to know who J.F. Gilbey really is?

It's a pseudonym. His real name is Robert W. Smith, and he is a martial arts historian. He wrote the book "Secret Fighting Arts of the World", first published in 1963.

btw, yes, I was bored so I investigated it.

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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by TargaryenX » Sun Nov 01, 2009 7:14 pm

Here are my suggested changes to the script. I'm not very good at translating SFX and I'm not sure whether you prefer to use the Japanese or translated ones, so I'll just note them all literally. If I can translate one, I'll put the translation after a double slash.

Page 01
Countless bullets have driven back the enemy. Except for one woman... (you don't count ammunition, you count bullets/shells. Therefore, ammunition can't really be described as "countless". Also if you're shooting someone, "overcame" doesn't quite convey the severity of the situation)

Title: Codename "Frau X"

Page 04
panel 1
General Yazuiji: Operation Hagel was a success… (sounds more natural to me)

panel 2
General Yazuiji: But we suffered heavy losses.
General Yazuiji: Specifically, more than 30 elites were destroyed by a single mysterious soldier...codename Frau X. (Kishiro always takes his title from a line in the chapter, so I thought they should match)

panel 3
General Yazuiji: Zazie, you are the only one who survived the encounter with her. (The Japanese "kousen" implies more conflict than the english "contact")

panel 4
Operator: Frau X left no material evidence.
SFX: kata kata (typing)
Operator: Furthermore, the voices in the combat logs were distorted into noise..
Combat log: You… you're a Künstler!!
SFX: za za za za za za za za za za za za za za
Footnote: Frau X...German for "a woman whose surname is 'X'"

Page 05
panel 2
Zazie: It's an outdated martial art, lost a long time ago…
Zazie: This technique is well known, but supposedly it's no more than an exaggerated myth... (there's a sense of "only a legend" in the japanese that was missing in this translation.)

panel 4
Zazie: We know nothing about the true power of Panzer Kunst…
Zazie: The reality is: at present, we cannot counter it in close combat!! (This was also missing. Otherwise it gives the impression that they don't think they'll ever be able to counter it.)

Page 07
panel 1
GG: Losing men is impossible to get used to, isn't it? (translation was incorrect)
Zazie: …Something still bothers me after all this.

panel 3
GG: Well… Isn't that the grace of the god of war…?
GG: Don't think about it too much, Zazie! (sounds more natural to me)

panel 4
Zazie: It’s obvious that she knows Alita. (no exclamation point in the raw, none needed)
Zazie: I feel like I should tell her about this. (reworded to match the Japanese better and sound more natural)

Page 08
panel 1
SFX: vuun

panel 2
Zazie: That sound… Verschlag…!!
SFX: Ba!
SFX: vuun

Zazie: What the hell… The battle was 3 days ago…Why now!?

panel 4
Zazie: No mistake…!!
SFX: vuun
Zazie: Where…!?

panel 5
Zazie: Where is it heading…!?
SFX: vuun

Page 09
panel 1
Zazie: HERE!!
SFX: vuuun

panel 2
SFX: GAN//BANG

panel 3
GG: WAKE UP!!
GG: You almost blew your head off!!

Page 10
panel 1
Zazie: The Verschlag… If I don’t…
SFX: vuuu
SFX: vuunn

Zazie: Stop it… soon…

panel 2
Zazie: This roaring
Zazie: My senses…
Background SFX: vuvuvuvuvuvuvuvuvuvu

panel 3
Zazie: I can't...move... (again, sounds more natural)

Page 11
panel 2
Nurse: The captain is awake! Doctor!!

panel 3
Doctor: C-can you hear me?
SFX: buru buru (shaking)
Doctor: How do you feel?

panel 4
Zazie: I'm fine.(no exclamation point needed, incorrect translation)

panel 5
Zazie: A waterbed?
SFX: tapun tapun

Page 12
panel 1
Man: Here's a towel. (more natural)
Nurse: Danke... (author's pronunciation, no exclamation point)

panel 2
Man: What'd I say? (It's more natural to contract when asking this question rhetorically rather than literally)
SFX: pun pun
Man: Captain Zazie sure has a charmed life!

panel 3
Zazie: Reuben, Canary?
Zazie: Why are you all wet?

Page 13
panel 1
GG: A lot!!
SFX: gatan//clunk

panel 3
GG: A little accident happened when we carried you here.
SFX: kiriri
GG: Verschlag… Actually, I doubted it, but it’s really a fearsome technique, isn't it? ("once" is unnecessary, I also get the feeling there are too many commas in this sentence)

panel 5
Zazie: This waterbed is the countermeasure?
SFX: tapun

Page 14
panel 1
Zazie: The nature of Verschlag is a kind of solitary wave with a certain frequency and a finely tuned vector. (I don't know how you want to translate this. "soliton wave" is what Kishiro literally writes. they're also called solitary waves, however http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soliton)
Zazie: A single packet of such a wave carries an amount of energy equal to a small caliber handgun bullet. If the wave resonates with the material it goes through, it can cause more damage than the energy it carries.

panel 2
Zazie: Such solitary waves will not weaken as time passes and there are tens of thousands of such waves repeatedly bouncing around in my skull.

panel 3
Zazie: The doctor said in one month the waves will join together in a certain area and cause…
Zazie: …an explosive energy conversion, blowing up my head and killing me. (a brain isn't something you can blow "off". Also, there is no mention of "brain" in the Japanese.)

I'll pick up from page 15 when I get back.

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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by TargaryenX » Sun Nov 01, 2009 10:54 pm

Page 15
panel 1
Zazie: At first, the doctors tried to open the skull hoping it would release the Verschlag. That would then allow them to transplant the brain to another body.
Zazie: But it failed! The Verschlag spread to the operator and injured him!

panel 2
Zazie: Then someone suggested that they introduce solitary waves of the opposite phase to cancel them out. (literally "the idea came out". It also says phase instead of vector, which is what you need to adjust to cancel a wave, not that most readers will know the difference anyway.)

Page 16
panel 1
Zazie: Sorry for the trouble (mistranslation, extraneous exclamation point)
SFX: kya

panel 2
Zazie: Her Majesty can't know about this... (previous translation doesn't really work in English, the Japanese have a bad habit of trailing off the end of their sentences leaving things implied, which makes them really hard to translate. Sometimes I find it's easier to just fill in the blanks. English is a far more explicit language than Japanese anyway.)

panel 4
SFX: batan//thud
Man: Captain Zazie is suuuuper cool!

panel 5
GG: Really, to think that techniques like "Dim Mak" actually exist… (slight mistranslation)

Page 17
panel 1
GG: Why didn't Frau X kill Zazie right away…?
GG: This is only my theory but

panel 2
GG: Don't you think that by using this Dim Mak-like technique...
GG: ...she wanted to make our cool and collected Zazie feel the full terror of her approaching death in order to undermine her pride?
(I totally reworked this part, it was almost nonsensical)

panel 3
SFX: gurororo//rumble

panel 4
SFX: PAN//CRACK

Page 18
panel 2
SFX: kasha//clatter
Zazie: Man, this is annoying (I think this is Zazie speaking, GG seems to be continuing from his previous explanation in the next panel)

panel 3
GG: If we look at it that way, this is like a contest... (mistranslation)

panel 4
Zazie: For someone who can kill dozens of people with nothing but a shoelace… (for some reason nobody ever says "tens of X")
Zazie: This seems like an awfully complicated way to kill one soldier (mistranslation, I also think this
is Zazie thinking, because it doesn't really mesh well with what GG is saying)

Page 19
panel 1
GG: The loser will be Frau X!! ("that" is unnecessary)

panel 2
GG: Zazie won't waver or crumble! (I think these are better words to describe a person rather than say, a building)

Page 22
panel 1
Limeira: Now now, calm yourself Minister Horr. (unsure of his name, it's probably something German. It's literally "Ho" with a long o like in "oar", this sound is also used to replace "r" in Japanese)

panel 2
Zazie: When I think of death…
Zazie: I have no fear. (no exclamation)

Page 23
panel 1
Zazie: Death is part of a soldier's job.

panel 3
Zazie: But still
Zazie: …I have some regrets…

Side Text: The heart that not even Verschlag could affect is trembling...What will this warrior's decision be?
Last edited by TargaryenX on Sun Nov 01, 2009 11:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by TargaryenX » Sun Nov 01, 2009 11:15 pm

Oh, it seems like I also missed the text on page 02-03, it's kind of hard to see...

The operation was successful, but questions remain...

The minister's name might also be Orr

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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by Burning Angel » Sun Nov 01, 2009 11:36 pm

Page 14
panel 1
Zazie: The nature of Verschlag is a kind of solitary wave with a certain frequency and a finely tuned vector. (I don't know how you want to translate this. "soliton wave" is what Kishiro literally writes. they're also called solitary waves, however http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soliton)
Zazie: A single packet of such a wave carries an amount of energy equal to a small caliber handgun bullet. If the wave resonates with the material it goes through, it can cause more damage than the energy it carries.

panel 2
Zazie: Such solitary waves will not weaken as time passes and there are tens of thousands of such waves repeatedly bouncing around in my skull.
In my opinion, I believe that Kishiro literally wants "soliton wave".

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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by crazyankan » Mon Nov 02, 2009 10:33 pm

The footnote in page 16 is missing.
Almost done with the typesetting.
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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by TargaryenX » Tue Nov 03, 2009 5:49 am

I thought you were going to use the wikipedia excerpt?

Dim Mak...Otherwise known as the "Three-year murder" or "Death Touch" is a legendary delayed-action killing technique from Karate and some styles of Chinese martial arts. It works on the same principles as acupuncture, attacking the body's vital points. In 1975, J.F. Guilby is said to have witnessed a demonstration of the technique by the martial artist Ho Shin Yang in Taiwan. The mechanism behind Frau X's technique is very different.

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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by crazyankan » Tue Nov 03, 2009 2:57 pm

If nobody has any other objections of the script. It will be a release later today.
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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by Burning Angel » Tue Nov 03, 2009 3:56 pm

I thought you were going to use the wikipedia excerpt?

Dim Mak...Otherwise known as the "Three-year murder" or "Death Touch" is a legendary delayed-action killing technique from Karate and some styles of Chinese martial arts. It works on the same principles as acupuncture, attacking the body's vital points. In 1975, J.F. Guilby is said to have witnessed a demonstration of the technique by the martial artist Ho Shin Yang in Taiwan. The mechanism behind Frau X's technique is very different.
Two things:

1. His name is J.F. Gilbey (John F. Gilbey or Robert W. Smith)

2. I thought that it was established that Dim Mak and the mechanism behind Frau X's technique were similar.

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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by TargaryenX » Tue Nov 03, 2009 8:58 pm

The verb is kotonaru, to differ/vary/disagree. Also, the mechanism behind her attack is different, it has nothing to do with pressure points. I think Kishiro is clarifying that although the result is similar, the actual method is different.

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Re: Phase 89 translation script

Post by Dharko » Sun Mar 28, 2010 9:28 pm

Hi, Error in the edition:

Page 16, footnote:

Bad: year 1975

Ok: year 1957

That´s all :wink:

Xau.

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