Commenting on translations - phase 91

[Sergio Nova]

Comments on phase 91

page 01 - The throne shall not surrender! (be surrendered sounds as a verbosity)
page 05 - …to use it on the ZOTT finals. (period)
[]
page 05 - …biggest obstacles to his plans: Zekka and Alita. (punctuation - colon and period)
page 10 - Long time no see! (is this expression correct?)
page 12 - Sure! Why not? (punctuation - exclamation; question)
page 12 - You sure this is ok, gramps? (missing comma)
page 13 - Are you trying to kill yourself, Zekka? (missing comma)
page 26 - Your spectator risk waiver, please. (missing comma)

[crazyankan]

Good job Sergio =)

[TargaryenX]

It should probably be:

Long time, no see!

But other than that it is a colloquial english expression, likely to be used by an unsophisticated elderly man such as Yani.

[Sergio Nova]

It should probably be:

Long time, no see!

But other than that it is a colloquial english expression, likely to be used by an unsophisticated elderly man such as Yani.

It sounds acceptable to me.

[Burning Angel]

It should probably be:

Long time, no see!

I think it should be "Long time no see" but both versions are valid.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long_Time_No_See Look at the phrase.

[crazyankan]

Missing a text line in page 22.
also in page 22, shouldn't it be "but in cyberspace, i'm invincible!!" (missing comma)

[TargaryenX]

One other thing I noticed

page 01 - The throne shall not surrender! (be surrendered sounds as a verbosity)

It has to be the way I wrote it, otherwise the throne becomes the subject of the sentence. As the throne is not the thing that is actually acting in this sentence, I used a passive construction. You're right that it does sound rather awkward though.

[Sergio Nova]

One other thing I noticed

page 01 - The throne shall not surrender! (be surrendered sounds as a verbosity)

It has to be the way I wrote it, otherwise the throne becomes the subject of the sentence. As the throne is not the thing that is actually acting in this sentence, I used a passive construction. You're right that it does sound rather awkward though.

In both cases, the throne is the subject of the sentence. The great difference is that we rescue it from passive to active voice (actually, rescuing the throne sounds pretty interesting. )
It is a connotation referring to someone who detains the power (in this case, Aga Mbadi).

[TargaryenX]

Ah, so you're equating Mbadi with "the throne". That isn't what the Japanese sentence means. The verb is literally "to be deferred/transferred/relinquished" and it's negated. The only way I can think of to convey the same meaning without resorting to the passive is to introduce a pronoun such as "I" or "He" referring to Mbadi.

"He will not surrender the throne."

[TargaryenX]

Changes for 91's script

Page 01
Side Text: He will not surrender the throne!! (changed in accordance with Sergio's suggestion)

Page 09
panel 1
Arthur: Excalibur acted as Melchizedek's master key... (Assuming that this is the biblical Melchizedek, King of Salem, then I have misspelled it throughout this chapter)

Page 10-11
panel 3
SFX: mohhhhhhhn

Page 12
panel 1
SFX: BAH

Page 15
panel 4
Arthur: ...possible futures within Melchizedek.
SFX: zuooh

Page 21
panel 2
SFX: GOSUN

Page 22
panel 1
SFX: paaan

panel 2
SFX: gajiji//zzt zzt

Page 24
panel 2
Mbadi: I'll kill you right here and claim the "Fata Morgana"!! (I must have forgotten to put that in when I re-released this. Also, unless it was a simple mistake, maybe we should look into why you're two pages off from the numbering I have, that could be bad.)

panel 3
SFX: SUPAN

Page 25
panel 1
SFX: DOKYA

panel 2
SFX: ZUBAAN
SFX: gyuru//twist

Page 27
panel 2
SFX: sukkiri!//ahhhh ("the refreshment noise", it represents how you feel when you drink a soda on a hot day )

[Dharko]

Txs Targa.

BtW, dont believe everything Sergio says xDD [kidding]

[crazyankan]

Dharko: Long time ago that I saw you at the forum.
How are you Spanish baa:lo releases going?

I am sending the files to Sergio now, see he can do a final proofreading =)

[Dharko]

Hi Crazy, Long time yesss... I´ve been with some "savefile" problems, uploads, re-editions ¬¬...
But only now [after almost 2 months ¬¬] they are ok and I can begin to work in the new phases.

The edition of the phase is very good, congrats to Fadeddreams for that, and the translation better [Targa rules ¬¬]

amm, now I´m gonna continue to edit the Gunnm Works [yes Sergio, now u.u], I found a better version [spanish] is a little blurred but much better. When I release some "double-pages" I´ll send You the edited files to finish them [IS A LOOOOT OF WORK AND TEXT!! T.T] is my only way to thanx you the perfect translates xD

If you need something, You know I can help, I have a little more time now.

Finally I´m back T.T

Xau.