Commenting on translations - phase 90

[Sergio Nova]

Commenting on phase 90

page 02 - the narrator's name is Jack Gerambo.
page 03 - You seem troubled, Zazie. What's wrong? (punctuation)
page 04 - Go ahead! (punctuation)
page 05 - Go and help Alita! (punctuation)
page 06 - …remove that technique. (punctuation)
page 06 - …different level from Alita's. (preposition; punctuation)
page 06 - …probably impossible. (punctuation)
page 07 - …a command from your queen! (punctuation)
page 08 - …come back safely! (punctuation)
page 08 - As you command! (punctuation)
page 11 - …really did happen. (punctuation)
page 12 - …a change to tell you. (punctuation)
page 13 - …Panzer Kunst technique. (punctuation)
page 13 - …in your blind spot… (punctuation)
page 13 - …Schatten Folgen*. (punctuation)
page 14 - …I could feel her breath! (punctuation)
page 14 - …a single glimpse of her. (punctuation)
page 14 - Alita… (punctuation)
page 15 - …about that girl. (punctuation)
page 15 - I guess you could call that "fate". (quotation marks; punctuation)
page 15 - Don't worry about me. I've already come to terms with it. (punctuation)
page 19 - …asked me to do it. (punctuation)
page 19 - As if I'd beg you for anything!! (conjunction)
page 19 - I'll cure Zazie! (punctuation)
page 20 - So the bed doesn't break… (Is this construction correct?)
page 20 - …deal with the waves that escape. (punctuation)
page 20 - No matter what you do, it's useless! (punctuation)
page 23 - It's just as Sechs has said… (conjunction, present perfect, punctuation)
page 23 - …on nobody besides myself! (adverb, punctuation)
page 23 - …I can consider this clearly. (punctuation)
page 23 - …made me who I am. (punctuation)
page 24 - The only reason this self of mine is here now is because of those people! (problematic construction; punctuation)
[[the lack of punctuation persists, so it is not a case of showing one by one]]
page 29 - …I felt there was… (excess of words)

I will bring more tomorrow.

[crazyankan]

If you do any more changes. Don't edit the old one. I am starting on this one now.

[TargaryenX]

Here are a few last minute changes if you can still get them in

Page 04
panel 2
SFX: kah kah//tap tap

Page 05
panel 1
SFX: ZA!


Page 13
panel 2
Alita: But even I don't know every single... (added in the "but" to include the note of protest that is being conveyed)

Page 14
panel 1
Alita: ...would be incredible.

Alita: ...walking techniques...Could it be something like that...? (These lines seemed a little bit incoherent because I attempted to translate them too literally before)

Page 17
panel 2
Sechs: Sechs Special Reverse Wave!! (I think that this is how you had been translating that particular phrase. When it comes down to it, both "Sechster" and "Sechs Special" work. The literal meaning of the kanji is "in the style of Sechs", whereas "Sechster" translates to "sixth". I'll leave it up to you which one you want to use)

Page 18
panel 2
SFX: GASHAN//CRASH

Page 19
panel 3
SFX: puuu//grrrr (anger noise)

Page 20
panel 1
Alita: So that the bed doesn't...

Page 23
panel 1
Alita: It's just like Sechs said... (On looking at this again, there's no reason to change it. Although it may not be grammatically correct (It's possible that's it's a colloquialism) this is a very common and natural phrase to hear.)

Page 24
panel 1
Alita: ...A chip...When I returned from the brink of death... (although it was a literal translation, I feel like my previous translation sounds far too lyrical and poetic in English)

Page 28
panel 1
SFX: DON//BOOM

[Dharko]

Great job Targa, txs.