^Ripper's Anime Page

Trebicyem wrote:Gunnm Complete Version Artbook part1 (RAW):

http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=b384 ... f6e8ebb871

Enjoy!

Let me thank you, friend. I believe crazyankan & ^Ripper will be able to make a good work now.
Don't worry about your arm. It combines perfectly.

Simplemente Excelente. Txs!!

I have made this translation. I would like the francophone friends to take a look and comment, even because I do not speak French.

If these pages are in good order, I will proceed.

One thing I would like to observe: the chronology mentions even the years AK 15-19, that are no longer valid.

Page 01

The following pages will present you Yukito Kishiro's work on Gunnm by showing you many ideas, memos and sketches. This work does not concern solely the set presented in the manga, since it also refers to the novel, to the anime, as well as to the video game that have been dedicated to Gunnm. Each of these works presents some aspects somewhat different of the original story, but all keep the themes and the main characters that made the strength of the manga. The creation of the complex universe of Gunnm asks Yukito Kishiro to work out every detail, where each sketch and every idea contributes its part to a sound development. Of all roads that he borrowed, of all hypotheses that he considered, he finally extracted the best, arriving to the definitive result as we know today. - Therefore, in this complete edition of "Gunnm", we are presenting to you his previous work. Besides numerous preparatory drawings, with the passing of the pages you will also find the elements that will allow you to better understand this futuristic world created by Yukito Kishiro. Among the presented documents are also included some discarded ideas, abandoned scenarios, failed attempts and obvious mistakes. Which is far, considering their unpublished character, from lowering their great value. So, enjoy! (the redaction)


Page 02-03

Gunnm history

This chronology has been created by Yukito Kishiro himself. It somewhat comments, in a condensed way, the major episodes in the story of Gunnm and previously surrounds the terms and the names that will be present until the end of the set. This tool is of a precious interest, since it allows to understand the plot that is woven in the manga - as the pictures, the close shots and the setting not always unveil by itselfes. (The redaction)

As a reference, this chronology has the year of Koyomi’s birth. One will notice the abbreviation A.K. for Anno Koyomi (Year 0) and B.K. for Before Koyomi (years before her birth).

B.K. unknown date
Creation of Melchizedek, an artificial intelligence computer, somewhere in North America.

B.K. unknown date
Ecological disaster without precedents: an enormous meteoroid falls on the Earth. The power is such that the poles deviate their axis, what has the effect of modifying the terrestrial peel and making to bring up the level of the oceans. The civilizations collapse, the humanity is very close to the extinction.

B.K. 440
Implementation of the project for humankind reconstruction by Melchizedek. The operation is a success, a new civilization soon emerging in a part of North America.

B.K. 370
Melchizedek establishes two colonies of builders; one in terrestrial orbit, the other one on the Moon.

B.K. 345
Completion of “Jacob’s Ladder”, orbital ring joined to the Earth by a tower lift named “elevator.”

B.K. 340
First rocket propelled with nuclear fusion on a helium3 basis.

B.K. 330
First colony on Mars.

B.K. 315
A colony settles in the orbit of Venus. Beginning of the terraforming on Venus.

B.K. 300
Establishment of colonies on three Jovian satellites. To this time, the techniques of cybernetization improve.

B.K. 290
On Mars, arousal of the “cyborgs martial arts.”

B.K. 260
Alliance of the colonies on the Galileo Satellites that grants agreements to set in motion a troposphere on the planet.

B.K. 230
Melchizedek finishes the construction of the orbital elevator placing the space station “Ketheres” and the terrestrial station “Tiphares” at the extremities.

B.K. 220
Melchizedek elaborates the first interstellar vessels. In the same period, construction of a satellite to production of antimatter on the low orbit of the Sun. Yoko is born on Mars.

B.K. 205
The settlers on Venus send a team of research on Enceladus, a satellite of Saturn. This team is taken by Jovian military forces. “The incident of Enceladus” was the detonator of the “terraforming wars” or the “wars of colonies.”

B.K. 200
The interstellar vessels in construction are destroyed. Melchizedek closes itself. Tiphares isolates itself to the outside world. Thanks to the formation of “Ladder” in Ketheres, the terraforming wars end. Yoko disappears rightly before the armistice.

B.K. 195
The first factories appear. Undergoing a strong repression, the teachings of the cyborgs martial arts die out little by little.

B.K. 180
A city begins to develop around the factories.

B.K. 170
The population increases. The city is soon called “The Scrapyard”, the discharge.

B.K. 160
The terminals and the systems of defense are introduced in the Scrapyard to look after the protection of the factories.

B.K. 150
In the underground of The Scrapyard, fights of cyborgs begin to be organized.

B.K. 130
The first circuit of motorball is finished in the west zone.

B.K. 50
The hydro-wall is installed everywhere around the borders of The Scrapyard.

B.K. 16
Nova runs away from Tiphares.

B.K. 15
Hugo is born.

B.K. 14
Kaos is born.

B.K. 7
Ido is banished from Tiphares.

B.K. 6
To the motorball, the Adam’s scandal explodes. (see “Ashen Victor”). Ido meets Carole. (see “Holy Night”).

B.K. 5
In one match of motorball, Jashugan and Esdoc are taken in a terrifying accident. Jashugan suffers a cerebral reconstruction operated by Nova and becomes thereafter the champion. Hugo’s elder brother is slaughtered by Clive Lee, a hunter-warrior.

B.K. 3
Nova invents a wormlike body for Makaku. Hugo meets Vector and orders to transplant his brother’s hand in return for his.

B.K. 1
In order to concretize the “Tuned” project, Bigot sends a thousand of TR-55 to spy on The Scrapyard.

A.K. year 0
Yoko is discovered by Ido. He will bring her back to life and name her Alita. Koyomi is born. Alita becomes a hunter-warrior and defeats Makaku.

A.K. 2
Alita falls in love with Hugo. Unfortunately, the lad dies in tragic circumstances. Alita then becomes a motorball player and books a duel to death against Jashugan. In the discharge, a price is put on Zapan’s head.

A.K. 3
Opening of the “New kansas Bar.” Shumira is saved by Ido of a rape attempt. Alita begins her new life. She delivers a duel to death against “the sonic finger.” (See “The sonic finger”). Nova frees Den, Kaos’ black personality, and gives him a body of steel. Becoming a warrior, Den starts wandering on the outskirts of the border to the for continuation of his destiny.

A.K. 4
Kaos heads towards the border in company of Jasmine. Alita ends up destroying Zapan and the berserker body. Ido dies. Shumira enters into a brigade of volunteers. Alita accepts to become “tuned” for Tiphares.

A.K. 5
Nova finishes the construction of his secret research laboratory, that he baptizes “Granite Inn.”

A.K. 6
Nova “resurrects” Ido.

A.K. 9
Den forms the Barkjack. In the same period “Radio Kaos” emits for the first time. Construction of Barjack headquarters in the Southern territories. Ido, when learning the “secret of Tiphares”, sinks in pain and decides to voluntarily erase his memory.

A.K. 10
Deckman 50 deserts. A-1 is entrusted to the mission. (See “Homecoming”).

A.K. 11
Buick becomes the Barjack reporter.

A.K. 12
Colonel Bozzle capitulates before the Barjack. Figure Four, expert in anti-cyber martial arts, arrives to The Scrapyard. Ido begins a new life as a physician in Farm 21, occupied by the Barjack.

A.K. 14
Alita meets Figure Four. The nuclear reactor of the train in which they are explodes. Lou Collins turns her back on the GIB as an operator. Koyomi joins the cause of the Barjack. Alita recovers Ido. The production of the “tuned” begins in series. The Barjack rebellion is repressed. The GIB is liquidated. Nova “revives” Alita and takes that on Tiphares. Melchizedek, in a fit of madness, commits suicide, tempting to drag Tiphares in its loss. To prevent the destruction of Tiphares, Alita sacrifices merging herself with the orbital elevator and transforms the whole structure into a “nanotree.”

A.K. 15
Kaos and Vector take the control of The Scrapyard, that had sunk in anarchy. The construction of the “tower of Tiphares” begins.

A.K. 16
Release of “Barjack, war chronicles”, by Koyomi, that very quickly becomes a bestseller. Opening of a new “Kansas Bar”, the “Kansas 4.”

A.K. 19
The “tower of Tiphares” is finished. Lou marries Kaos. Alita, whom everybody believed dead, comes back to life. She falls in the arms of Figure Four, who comes to rescue her. Release of “The Celestial Tower”, compilation of photos.

Good good... With a little of time [or more], the edition could be done better than the original.

Dharko wrote:Good good... With a little of time [or more], the edition could be done better than the original.

I believe so, but the editor must be talented and patient. Actually, you have already shown such abilities.

The characters in pages 02-03

I am listing here only the characters whose names differ from the English language version


ouvrier souterrain // moleman
Scramasax // Skaramasakus
guerrier douille // socket soldier
le maître de Gally // Alita's master
Bigott Eisenberg // Bigott Eizenburg
Yugo // Hugo
Sarah // Sara
Yasmine // Jasmine
Keina // Kayna
Gally // Alita
Borne // Deckman
Lam Daka // Lam Dao
L'homme tank // Tank-man
Terminal régulateur// Netman
Fogia // Figure Four
Zaphal Takié // Zafal Takié
le maître de Jashugan// Jashugan's master
Yorg //Yolg
le patron du Kansas// Kansas' owner
Herbert // Halberd
Ajakati // Ajakutty
Pilehammer // Bargerald

Many thanks Trebicyem and Sergio! Wow, we're really getting our extra stuff here^^

How did you translate it? Did you use babelfish or did you force a french friend of yours ?

btw, I really wonder, why did Kishiro put A.K. 15-19 in it while the whole point in this Gunnm edition was to make a good ending for the starting GLO! Or was it the over-motivated work by the publisher?

Cailon wrote:Many thanks Trebicyem and Sergio! Wow, we're really getting our extra stuff here^^

How did you translate it? Did you use babelfish or did you force a french friend of yours ?

I have used LEC translator. I had to edit the text, certainly, but at least the result was good enough (I mean, it makes sense). I do not use the same program to translate Japanese simply because I am entirely unable to type a single letter, you see.

Cailon wrote:I really wonder, why did Kishiro put A.K. 15-19 in it while the whole point in this Gunnm edition was to make a good ending for the starting GLO! Or was it the over-motivated work by the publisher?

Good question. I wonder the same.

Well, after some tests I could make a cover + - decent. Later I´ll upload a preview.

This is the page 04.

Many thanks, friends.

Page 04

Deckman

New definition of the deckmen for the "Gunnm video game"

Former human beings deprived of their useless body parts, deckmen are half autonomous robotized units used for the treatment of information.One may think that they were created to work within the factories in the Scrapyard, but their origin dates back way further.Actually, their first function was to explore the vastness of the solar system. The exploitation of the first deckmen goes back up to about 300 years. At the time the cybernetic technologies had just been mastered, but rather than substituting a thinkning machine for a man(or more precisely for his brain)the deckman technology consisted in modifying a machine by inserting a brain and different body parts in it. Eventually, it was the opposite of cyborg making.

In the societies of the solar system, it was necessary to have an organic translation device between relational interfaces, operating systems and data bases. (no change)The great advantage of deckmen was their abilities of adaptation, and especially the compatibility between them, whether it was the most up to date model, version 96.2, or the most ancient one that is more than 200 years old.

It was the central computer Melchizedek that established the standards for deckmen. For 300 years, it has invariably controled their manufacture and maintenance. Because of their success, the exportation of deckmen has become the biggest source of income of Ketheres. Nowadays the only official deckmen manufacturers are Melchizedek and its extension, the M.I.B. , however some people claim that compatible deckmen would be secretly produced on Venus and Jupiter.

In the developed colonies of Mars, there are still regions where the first generation deckmen, dating back more than 200 years, are still in use. Yet most of the older deckmen, whose faculties have diminished, no longer connect themselves to the networks, their role being now reduced to simple operations, such as, for instance, signaling control. In the most forsaken regions, one may even happen to find completely rusty deckmen standing still like mechanical gods, benevolent protectors of the passing colonists.

[cursive text, right side]

Towards Tiphares
internal structure of a factory
(longitudinal cut)

Tube
Den


Main door
Big pulleys

Most humans cannot access the inside of a factory, which is completely operated by machines, so their internal stucture remains a mystery.

Towards another Kombinat

Only the entry hall is accessible to humans.

Factory hall
The drawing is a little bizarre. In fact, the shape of the hall must be symmetrical.

Hunter-warrior registrattion area, payment of bounties for captures.

Bank deposits, credits, and electricity tax office area.


Main door
A cleaning system using static electicity always leaves the hall clean like the inside of a hospital.

Workers recuiting zone for kombinats.
Sale of recycled products (spare parts from destroyed bodies)

Receiving cylinders. The numbers of the cylinders don’t always correspond to the numbers of the receiving deckmen. The closest deckman presses them to make a receipt to the customers.

Internal structure of a factory.

Structure of a receiving cylinder.

There weren't any on the original ones but it would have been better you put a number like that.

Ceiling (it is usually higher) cylinder in closed position (normal position) as soon as a visitor approaches, the cylinder unscrews open and various electrical instruments are set in action.


Devices near the cylinder

Evacuation room

Credit propelling tube

Tray used for the deposit captures

Device used for the registration of hunter-warriors

I read page 1-3, the rest later this week I hope

While reading it, I noticed that not only AK 14-19 is not canon anymore, but: 1. the whole BK, Ak thing is later replaced by Era Sputnik, the catastrophy that causes Melch to go crazy is still the old one (not Yoko), Jovians settled on the satellites, not on the grid... and so on. So i really dont get the point of this "old" time bar. But the other extra stuff is still awesome

Page 01

- The following pages will present you Yukito Kishiro's work on Gunnm by showing you many ideas, memos and sketches.
[ new structure, replaced "limit" with "many", to stress out that this presentation is not limited but it rather goes to the maximum limit of presenting nearly everything.]

- This work does not concern solely the set presented in the manga, since it also refers to the novel, to the anime, as well as to the video game that has been dedicated to Gunnm.
[games--> game, afaik there is only "Martian memories"]

- Each of these works present some aspects somewhat different of the original story, but they all keep the themes and the main characters that made the strength of the manga.
["present" with no -s, added a "they" and the last part sounds strange to me but Im unable fix it.]

- The creation of the complex universe of Gunnm asks Yukito Kishiro to work out every detail, where each sketch and every idea contributes its part to a sound development.
[some little adjustments. If understand it right, he has to plan every little thing and every sketch is needed to create a logical action]

- Of all roads he had borrowed, of all hypotheses he had considered, he has finally extracted the best, arriving at the definitive result we know today.
[Is "all the roads that he borrowed" a saying? If so, ok. Altered the tense, redid the last part.]

- Therefore, in this complete edition of "Gunnm", we are presenting to you his previous work.
[altered sentence structure, replaced "propose" and "discover" with just presenting]

- Besides numerous preparatory drawings, with the passing of the pages you will also find the elements that will allow you to better understand this futuristic world created by Yukito Kishiro.
[moved subordinate clause and "better", replaced "permit" with "allow" and "invented" with "created"]

- Some rejected ideas, abandoned scripts, missed tests and manifest mistakes are also included among the presented documents.
[put the beginning at the end. I dont know what you mean by "missed tests" and "manifest mistakes".]

- What is far, seen their unpublished character, to decrease the big value of it. Then benefit – in good! (the redaction)
[sorry, I see no sense in this sentence. Is it the japanese or the french redaction? maybe its a saying in Japan or France?]


Page 02-03

Gunnm history

- This tool is of a precious interest, [comma] since it allows to understand the plot that is woven in the manga - because the pictures, the close shots and the setting not always unveil by itselfes. (The redaction)
[comma, "allows" instead of "permits", altered last part of the sentence, if I understood it right.]

- As a reference, this chronology has the year of Koyomi’s birth.
[altered sentence structure]

One will notice the abbreviation A.K. for Anno Koyomi (Year 0) and B.K. for Before Koyomi (years before her birth).
[typo, replaced "distinguish" with above, maybe its a mistranslation but Anno Koyomi has to be "After Koyomi's birth, not year 0]

- B.K. unknown date
Ecological disaster [...] modifying the terrestrial peel and causing a rise of the oceanic levels . The civilizations collapse, the humanity is on the edge of extinction.
[two formulation-offers]

- B.K. 370
Melchizedek establishes two colonies of builders; one in terrestrial orbit, the other one on the Moon.
[added "one"]

- B.K. 340
First rocket propelled with nuclear fusion on a helium3 basis.

- B.K. 315
A colony settles in the orbit of Venus. Beginning of the terraforming on Venus.

- B.K. 290
On Mars, emerging? of the “cyborgs martial arts.”

- B.K. 230
Melchizedek finishes the construction of the orbital elevator placing the space station “Ketheres” and the terrestrial station “Tiphares” at the extremities.

- B.K. 220
Melchizedek elaborates the first interstellar vessels. In the same period, construction of a satellite for gathering? (of) antimatter on the low orbit of the Sun. Yoko is born on Mars.

- B.K. 180
A city begins to develop on the outskirts of the factories.
[the city is rather in the center of all factories...]

- B.K. 195
The first factories appear. Undergoing a strong repression, the teachings of the cyborgs martial arts die out little by little.
[deleted period after repression]

- A.K. year 0
Alita becomes a hunter-warrior and defeats/ kills Makaku.

- A.K. 2
Alita then becomes a motorball player...

- Nova frees Den, Kaos’ black personality, and gives him a body of steel.

- A.K. 4
Kaos heads towards the border ...

- A.K. 14
Lou Collins turns her back on the GIB as operator. [...]
Alita sacrifices merging herself with the orbital elevator and transforms the whole structure into a “nanotree.”

- A.K. 16
Release of “Barjack, war chronicles” by Koyomi, that very quickly becomes a bestseller. Opening of a new “Kansas Bar”, the “Kansas 4.”

I will soon edit the text. Thanks a lot.

1. The chronology. I haven’t understood that either. Actually, it doesn’t make sense.
2. I agree there is only one video-game, but the French text is in plural. Anyway, let’s correct them (even because I don’t trust Venusians).
3. Each of these works presents… I have to disagree. Each of these works is a singular subject, and so it requires a singilar verb.
4. - Of all roads he had borrowed, of all hypotheses he had considered, he has finally extracted the best, arriving at the definitive result we know today. The text is not related to another in the simple past, so there is no reason for past perfect. I believe “all the roads that he borrowed” is an improvisation.
5. I dont know what you mean by “missed tests” and “manifest mistakes”. I don’t mean, the text does. They are probably refering to abandoned ideas, as some weird bodies we can see in page 22.
6. What is far, seen their unpublished character, to decrease the big value of it. Then benefit – in good! (the redaction) I cannot see any sense either. Because of that, I was expecting our French speakers to help. Naïveté of mine.
7. Anno Koyomi has to be After Koyomi’s birth, not year 0. Hum, I daresay you’re right, but that is already wrong in the French text. Anyway, we must opt for a correct text.
8. [two formulation-offers] Excuse me, but I didn’t understand.
9. B.K. 315 - A colony settles in the orbit of Venus. Beginning of the terraforming on Venus. What did you intend to change here?
10. B.K. 290 On Mars, arousal of the “cyborgs martial arts.” Rewritten.
11. B.K. 220 I believe antimatter is produced, not gathered, but I admit I have no knowledge of physics. Are you sure that is the correct construction?
12. B.K. 180 - A city begins to develop around the factories. I believe that fixes the case.
13. A.K. year 0 - Alita becomes a hunter-warrior and defeats Makaku.
14. A.K. 14 - Lou Collins turns her back on the GIB as an operator. [...] I’ve just included the indefinite article.

5. I dont know what you mean by “missed tests” and “manifest mistakes”. I don’t mean, the text does. They are probably refering to abandoned ideas, as some weird bodies we can see in page 22.
---> maybe then "test versions" and "discarded ideas" or something like this?

6. What is far, seen their unpublished character, to decrease the big value of it. Then benefit – in good! (the redaction) I cannot see any sense either. Because of that, I was expecting our French speakers to help. Naïveté of mine.
--> Hm.. :/

8. [two formulation-offers] Excuse me, but I didn’t understand.
--> Forget that, I only meant that my correction is just a possibility, if I understood it right

9. B.K. 315 - A colony settles in the orbit of Venus. Beginning of the terraforming on Venus. What did you intend to change here?
--> IN the orbit, not ON the orbit, if Im correct

11. B.K. 220 I believe antimatter is produced, not gathered, but I admit I have no knowledge of physics. Are you sure that is the correct construction?
---> I have no clue either! thinking about it, gathered isnt a good choice, better take produced, as antimatter is somewhat always there as the opposite of matter, but its not "there" like sand on the beach... I would think a complicated process is needed...


I agree with the rest!

Just a little question, these "Great Format" of BAA have never been published in your contries?

Sam wrote:Just a little question, these "Great Format" of BAA have never been published in your contries?

As far as we know, it exists only in Japanese and French. How envious I feel!!

Cailon and Sergio have really done a good job, please tell me where you are experiencing difficulties so I can help. if I can spare some time before monday I 'll do it. or else it will have to wait until April 6th then I'll be capable fully helping.

The strangest thing is in the last sentence of page 01 (in english: )
"What is far, seen their unpublished character, to decrease the big value of it. Then benefit – in good! (the redaction)"
thanks

no, never published... :/ maybe it was too risky for them, because it might not sell very well.

The last sentence of page 01 should be related to the previous one. A literal translation of those sentences could be:

"Among the presented documents are also included some discarded ideas, abandoned scenarios, failed attempts and obvious mistakes. Which is far, considering their unpublished character, from lowering their great value. So, enjoy!"

litchi master wrote:Cailon and Sergio have really done a good job, please tell me where you are experiencing difficulties so I can help. if I can spare some time before monday I 'll do it. or else it will have to wait until April 6th then I'll be capable fully helping.

Maximus wrote:The last sentence of page 01 should be related to the previous one. A literal translation of those sentences could be:

"Among the presented documents are also included some discarded ideas, abandoned scenarios, failed attempts and obvious mistakes. Which is far, considering their unpublished character, from lowering their great value. So, enjoy!"

Many thanks. Now we have pages 01-03 ready.
If you have time, please take a look on page 04 (It DOES need succour!).
And we certainly can wait until April 6th.
(Actually, I would be worried if you had said April 1st .)

Did I say April 6th? eventually I needed to relax a little so I made a translation of page 4 yesterday night.
I rushed it a little so it may have a few typing mistakes. by the way I have to disagree with Cailon too.

Each of these works presents… I have to disagree. Each of these works is a singular subject, and so it requires a singilar verb.

but none the less he was right to point that the pronoun following is a plural, it definitely sounds weird but so says the oxford english dictionnary.

I didn't have the time to browse through the whole page but it seems you have problems with the word Kombinat, in fact it is explained in the 4th part of the art book. the function of the kombinats is to transform the raw materials coming from the farms. their workforce is human but the whole thing is under the strict control of the factories. the products thus obtained are then brought into stockhouses before being sent to Zalem.

one last thing

Of all roads he had borrowed, of all hypotheses he had considered, he has finally extracted the best, arriving at the definitive result we know today. The text is not related to another in the simple past, so there is no reason for past perfect. I believe “all the roads that he borrowed” is an improvisation.

the word borrow is a mistranslation of a typical French expression it translates "follow".

Cleared ancient humans are mid-autonomous robotized units, serving to the treatments of the information. Or we could think that they have been created to work in the factories in The Scrapyard, but their origin goes back up to farther. Actually, their first function was to explore all recesses of the solar system. The exploitation of the first deckmen goes back up to about 300 years. To this time, the cybernetic technologies came just to be mastered, but contrary to the idea of substituting a thinking machine for the man (and more precisely his brain), the technique of deckmen consisted in modifying a machine inserting a brain and of the parts of human body. It was finally about an inverse technique of the one that concerned the cyborgs.

Former human beings deprived of their useless body parts, deckmen are half autonomous robotized units used for the treatment of information.One may think that they were created to work within the factories in the Scrapyard, but their origin dates back way further.Actually, their first function was to explore all recesses of the solar system. The exploitation of the first deckmen goes back up to about 300 years. (no change)at the time the cybernetic technologies had just been mastered, but rather than substituting a thinkning machine for a man(or more precisely for his brain)the deckman technology consisted in modifying a machine by inserting a brain and different body parts in it. Eventually, it was the opposite of cyborg making.

In the societies of the solar system, it was necessary to have an organic translation device between relational interfaces, operating systems and data bases. The great advantage of the deckmen was their faculties of adaptation, and especially their compatibility between them, that it was about the most modern among them, the version 96.2, or of the old model dating of more than 200 years.

In the societies of the solar system, it was necessary to have an organic translation device between relational interfaces, operating systems and data bases. (no change)The great advantage of deckmen was their faculties of adaptation, and especially the compatibility between them, whether it was the most up to date model, version 96.2, or the most ancient one that is more than 200 years old.

The central computer Melchizedek that fixed the norms of the deckmen. During 300 years, invariably, it controled the manufacture and the maintenance of it. Great part of their success, the exports of deckmen became the biggest source of incomes of Ketheres. Nowadays, the only official constructors of deckmen are Melchizedek and its system of extension, the M.I.B., but there are people who claim that some compatible deckmen would be manufactured in secret on Venus and Jupiter.

It was the central computer Melchizedek that established the standards for deckmen. For 300 years, it has invariably controled their manufacture and maintenance. Because of their success, the exportation of deckmen has become the biggest source of income of Ketheres. Nowadays the only official deckmen manufacturers are Melchizedek and its extension, the M.I.B. , however some people claim that compatible deckmen would be secretly produced on Venus and Jupiter.

In the colonies developed on Mars, numerous are the regions where one uses the deckmen of first generation dating of more than 200 years. But most of these old deckmen, whose faculties decreased, don’t connect anymore to the networks, their role being reduced henceforth to simple operations, as for example the control of signaling. It even arrives that one finds, in the lost regions, completely rusty deckmen standing immobile such of the mechanical gods, understanding protectors of the passage colonists.

In the developed colonies of Mars, there are still regions where the first generation deckmen, dating back more than 200 years, are still in use. Yet most of the older deckmen, whose faculties have diminished, no longer connect themselves to the networks, their role being now reduced to simple operations, such as, for instance, signalling control. In the most forsaken regions, one may even happen/ chance to find completely rusty deckmen standing still like mechanical gods, benevolent protectors of the passing colonists.

[cursive text, right side]

Toward Tiphares towards tiphares
internal structure of a vein the word here is not "veine" but usine which translates "factory"(longitudinal cut)

Tube
Den


Main door
Big pulleys

The major part of the humans is not able to reach to the inside of a vein, completely maneuvered by machines. The internal structure of that remains a mystery. Most humans cannot access the inside of a factory, which is completely operated by machines, so their internal stucture remains a mystery.

Toward one besides kombinat towards another Kombinat

Only the entry hall is accessible to humans.

Fatory hall diagram (more or less). Factory hall
The drawing is a little bizarre. In fact, the shape of the hall must be symmetrical.

Zone of registration of the hunter-warriors, payment of the bonuses for the captures. Hunter warrior registrattion area, payment of bounties for captures

Zone of the bank, of the deposits of credits and perception of electricity. Bank area, deposits, credits, and electricity tax office. (seems the most likely option).

Main door
A housekeeping system to static electricity always leaves the hall clean, like the inside of a hospital. A cleaning system using static electicity always leaves the hall clean like the inside of a hospital.

Recruiting zone of the workers for the kombinats. Workers recuiting zone for kombinats

Sale of products recycled (gone of destroyed body). Sale of recycled products( spare parts from destroyed bodies)

Receiving cylinders. The numbers of the cylinders don’t always correspond to the numbers of the receiving deckmen. The closest deckman presses them to make a receipt to the customers. Receiving cylinders. The numbers of the cylinders don’t always correspond to the numbers of the receiving deckmen. unchanged it is the closest deckman who receives the customer.

Internal structure of a factory.

Structure of a receiving cylinder.

En’g didn’t have any on the original, but that cevrait better. Ei one put a like that number. there weren't any on the original ones but it would have been better you put a number like that.

Ceiling (normally, he/it is higher)1) cylinder in closed position (normal position)2) as soon as a visitor approaches it, the cylinder opens it a turn. A deckman appears then and various electric instruments are manipulated. ceiling ( it is usually higher) cylinder in closed position (normal position) as soon as a visitor approaches, the cylinder unscrews open and various electrical instruments are set in action.

Devices near of the cylinder Devices near the cylinder

Room of evacuation evacuation room

Tube to propel credits credit propelling tube

Serving tray to the deposit of the credits Tray used for the deposit captures

Serving device to the registration of the hunter-warriors device used for the registration of hunter warriors

I hope it will help, I cannot do more at the moment.

My changes are in italics, but I am afraid it is not really visible tell me if this is not clear enough.

litchi master wrote:My changes are in italics, but I am afraid it is not really visible tell me if this is not clear enough.

Your changes ARE visible, certainly.
Many thanks. I will edit the text accordingly.

2 Sergio:
Congratulations! This was your post #666.

Int 29Ah wrote:2 Sergio:
Congratulations! This was your post #666.

Hey, man! Are you a sort of inquisitor?
Let me remember you that the Catholic inquisition in Europe used to condemn only people baptized as Catholics. The same is valid about the Protestant inquisition in Salem, USA (I mean, their victims were supposed to be baptized in their church, not in Catholic, obviously).

As I am neither one thing nor the other, I am immunized.
Actually, I have no confession (and, honestly, if I had any, you would never be informed. You are too dangerous).

Meantime, you are fond of that number? Are you?

That was a joke. You know, I'm atheist. Hovewer, numbers 555 and 666 are cool.