Gunnm Complete Edition extra pages: TL, QC and editing

[Cailon]

Note: The Gunnm Complete Edition is a rerelease of the first 9 Gunnm volumes, but this time its packed into 6 books. Book 1, 2, 3 and 5 contain extra material like sketches and text.

There raws can be found here: http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=b384 ... f6e8ebb871

They are in french, so if you want to help us translate (TL), proofread / quality check (QC) and editing it, you are welcome to do so!

Additionally, we are translating the tech-notes. They can be found here:
http://www.reimeika.ca/marco/alita.html (search for "tech notes")
or here: http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?mxnieozdmz4
They appear in GCE volume 02. The link above leads to japanese raws, though, as that is the only scanned version of the pages available now.


Link for the CLEANED PAGES is at the bottom of this post.

Script is HERE

~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here is the dl-link for the old cleaned pages 01-11 and tech note 3: http://www.mediafire.com/?fy2nzzytuzt

[litchi master]

That's ok with me to go on working on this thread rather than the other as you said it was beginning to be confusing.

Two little precisions, The (no change) on page 4 is not part of the original text it was just a note to indicate that it was one of the rare things that I didn't change from the original translation Sergio made using an automatic translater, so you can erase it.

the tech-notes are on the complete edition volume 2 just before the art book
As trebicyem had not scanned it (it was not par of the art book after all) when I noticed it I translated it straight away
for fear of forgetting if I went on with vol.1.
From now on I'll finish vol.1.

[litchi master]

a little mistake I made on page 4
Tray used for the deposit ofcaptures
sorry I had forgotten to put the "of"



page 5

map of Kuzutetsu , Scrapyard
Scraps town map

Zalem overtowering Scrapyard.

Hydro-wall
Scrapyard

U-number : F-number
North
West Mount Zalem East
South

Kombinat
Factory railway
U= usine >F= factory

[Sergio Nova]

Great, Cailon. Let's work here from now on.

[Sergio Nova]

Back to work

Names that must be changed:

Zalem//Tiphares
Kuzutetsu//The Scrapyard



Major league
Motorball's elite
Encounters even get to be broadcasted in Tiphares.
Second League
More elaborate tactics (uppercase; lowercase)

Third league
This is the gateway to motorball. (lowercase; one single word - actually, I would always change motoball to lowercase)

The different motorball leagues are run by the factories. It is a sport that attracts numerous players in… (It is a formal text; abbreviations are not recommended; determiner)

Therefore, the number of those taking part, if one choses to include the basic league (also known as 4th league), is tremendous. (commas)

The 10 huge circuits scattered all over The Scrapyard employ large quantities of people, and make motorball one of the big industries in town. (chosen term; spelling)

A betting system comparable to pools (sports betting) is set for every race. (uppercase)

Wireless transmission (uppercase; spelling)

In order to increase the audience ratings of the monitors, players must not only have the will to win but also endeavour to make a show during the race. (structure)

The two most popular major sport events in The Scrapyard are the Coliseum, in the Eastern Region, and motorball, in the Western Region (Ido's cyberclinic is located in the Eastern Region, on Tempest Avenue) (spelling; geography, spelling)

The Coliseum duels take place in… (uppercase)

One could compare that with some sort of cyber-wrestling. (uppercase; lowercase; hyphen)

A duel in Coliseum (uppercase)

As for motorball it is an event which requires huge structures composed of multiple mazes routes are as complex as they are hazardous. (Please, rewrite it!)

It is a sport that is both akin to baseball and car racing (formula one type). (determiner; spacing)

The seven basic rules of motorball (uppercase)

The use of all weapons that are not part of the player's body… (removing article)

The winner is the one who defeats his opponent in hand to hand combat. (structure)

[crazyankan]

Will you be typesetting this on Dharko?

[Cailon]

Two little precisions, The (no change) on page 4 is not part of the original text it was just a note to indicate that it was one of the rare things that I didn't change from the original translation Sergio made using an automatic translater, so you can erase it.

did it.

a little mistake I made on page 4
Tray used for the deposit of captures
sorry I had forgotten to put the "of"

ok.

Back to work

Names that must be changed--


As for motorball it is an event which requires huge structures composed of multiple mazes routes are as complex as they are hazardous. (Please, rewrite it!)

I've included your correction into the script in my first post. Only this one sentence remains, @litchi master.
Did you just forgot a period, like: "As for motorball, it is an event that requires huge structures composed of multiple mazes. Routes are as complex as they are hazardous."

[litchi master]

There is definitely a problem, but it's not a forgotten period.

As for motorball, it is an event which requires huge structures composed of multiple mazes whose routes are as complex as they are hazardous.

I think this is it, sorry I overlooked it when I re-read my translation. I hope this is ok now.

[Cailon]

Ok, so this script should then be ready, too.

I cleaned the pages 01-05 a bit, plus the tech-notes page 03 (motorball), I hope it meets the standards.
http://www.mediafire.com/?o3z3jtgdnxw
On page 01, I left some tiny lines to recognize the cross-shaped form. I can delete it later, when the text is filled in. On page 04, I wasn't able to reconstruct Alitas eye in the background, but there will be text over that gap anyway. The tech-notes only had a resolution of 75 pixel, I changed it to 150 but you can still see it being LQ, I don't know how to do it better.
All in all, I think the cleaned pages look rather confusing for an editor, because he has to cross-check every text block with the RAW, to know where it belongs. I hope this won't cause us too much work...

[Sergio Nova]

I cleaned the pages 01-05 a bit, plus the tech-notes page 03 (motorball), I hope it meets the standards.

It seems a good work to me.
Let's see what Dharko says.

[litchi master]

Hi here is more of the Art book pages six and seven
I'll try and make a some more tomorrow

Others

other characters



The sketches of this double page were executed during between the beginning of the series and the end of the episode concerning Makkaku. By comparing these with the drawings on the three following pages (Gunnm prototype), one notices a few differences most notably on the approach to the Character of of Alita. (the redaction)



1 Inspired by the original model, Alita in action



2 Studies of action poses

3 Studies for the action of the first fight. "Ganjutsu", a temporary name for the fighting style, will later be replaced by Panzer Kunst.

4 A prototype for a "cyber-arm". By the look of it, it seems efficient.

5 Formation of an Alita Ido duet team?

6 A rather lyrical drawing

7 Ideas for ordinary outfits from classical to sportswear

8 Combat suits variations, as it was already the case in 7 there are a few images and expressions that were later abandonned.

9 A few sketches of Ido. His character has been defined from the very beginning, and as Yukito Kishiro notes his good side is not everything there is about him.

10 Doctor Nova as he was drawn at approximately the same period as sketches n°11. Was he only supposed to be a secundary character, a mere doctor?The mark of Zalem on his forehead leads us to thinnk that Yukitokishiro already had his story in mind at the time.

11 Sketches of Makkaku as a child

12 Sketches of Kimba

13 Sketches of Zapan

14 & 15 Sketches of Makkaku, His worm body was already present.


COMMENTARIES INSIDE CASES

5 little "side" Black Alita

9 (From left to right)

Iron Fist

Rocket Hammer

Ido: He is not a good man only. His personnality is more complex, as a part of himself can lead him to act extremely violently.

13 Zapan, a Hunter warrior.

[Sergio Nova]

Hey, Dharko, will you edit these pages?
We already have material enough to start, I think.

[Dharko]

Hey, Dharko, will you edit these pages?
We already have material enough to start, I think.

yap, I'll start to finish since today the double-page edition [already had a pre-edition] so, give me 3 days + -.

[Cailon]

Nice litchi! Here is some qc

@Dharko: cool! I'm looking forward to it

I'll edit my post later and add the related cleaned pages.
---------
Ok, that was easy to clean. Here, Dharko
- pages 06-07: http://www.mediafire.com/?mjnkjzm53ge
- and pages 01-05 again: http://www.mediafire.com/?o3z3jtgdnxw
-------------


The sketches of this double page were executed during between the beginning of the series and the end of the episode concerning Makaku. By comparing these with the drawings on the three following pages (Gunnm prototype), one notices a few differences most notably on the approach to the character of of Alita. (the redaction)
(during or between, spelling of "Makaku", lower case, two times "of")

7 Ideas for ordinary outfits, from classical to sportswear
(not sure with these two: comma(?), instead of "ideas", rather "concepts"(?))

8 Combat suit variations, as it was already the case in n°7, there are a few images and expressions that were later abandonned.
(singular, comma, added a "n°", like in n°10)

9 A few sketches of Ido. His character has been defined from the very beginning, and as Yukito Kishiro notes, his good side is not everything there is about him.
(comma)

10 Doctor Nova as he was drawn at approximately the same period as sketch n°11. Was he only supposed to be a secondary character, a mere doctor?The mark of Zalem on his forehead leads us to thinnk that Yukito Kishiro already had his story in mind at the time.
(singular, typo, typo)

11 Sketches of Makaku as a child
(name spelling)

14 & 15 Sketches of Makaku, his worm body was already present.
(name spelling, lower case)

COMMENTARIES INSIDE CASES


Ido: He is not a good man only. His personality is more complex, as a part of himself can lead him to act extremely violent.
(typo, I'm not sure with "violent" vs. "violently")

[Sergio Nova]

I agree with you in general terms. Let's go to the points:

7 Ideas for ordinary outfits, from classical to sportswear
(not sure with these two: comma(?), instead of "ideas", rather "concepts"(?))

It is better to use lowercase. The initial is a numeral, and numerals do not have uppercase; your comma is perfect

Ido: He is not a good man only. His personality is more complex, as a part of himself can lead him to act extremely violent.
(typo, I'm not sure with "violent" vs. "violently")

Initially, you are right, but two adverbs in sequence destroy the ellegance of the text in any language, but especially in English. The only solution is to reformulate the phrase.

Thus:
He is not a good man only. His personality is more complex, as a part of himself can lead him to act with/in extreme violence.

[Sergio Nova]

Hey, Dharko, will you edit these pages?
We already have material enough to start, I think.

yap, I'll start to finish since today the double-page edition [already had a pre-edition] so, give me 3 days + -.

You lied to me!

[Dharko]

nah, I say 3 weeks... or months...

work in progress...

[litchi master]

Hi I, am back on the Forum and have started to work again on the translation of the artbook

so here are page 8 and 9. more to come soon.




It was originally a short story whose plot was utterly different from the published BAA series. This story, to which the present plot was preferred, thus never came to be released. Yukito Kishiro drew these plates and added various sketches, explanatory notes before he presented his editor with his project. Some of the names such as Tuned Yoko as well as some devices (the single wheel bike) were re-used almost as such in the final version of the series.

Post atomic calendar year 106 . Kyaton, a great economic power is ruled ruled by the AIC one of the heftiest multinational firms. Its capital Katoly has become a dangerous city, some even named it “the capital of crime” because the ever dwindling control it exerts over the over the applications of cybernetic technologies.
Security is no longer guaranteed and the police forces are too scanty to hope to re-establish order. A new institution is then set in place determined with the purpose of putting an end to criminal activities. Its agents, placed above police authority, are cyborgs armed to the teeth and bounty hunters, they are called tuned.

[Sergio Nova]

Great!! Let me comment it:

Prototype Alita (missing title)


It was originally a short story whose plot was utterly different from the published BAA series. This story, to which the present plot was preferred, has never come to be released. Yukito Kishiro drew these plates and added several sketches and explanatory notes before he presented the project to his editor. Some of the names such as Tuned Yoko as well as some devices (the single wheel bike) were re-used almost as such in the final version of the series.

Post atomic calendar year 106 . Kyaton, a great economic power is ruled by the AIC, one of the heftiest multinational companies. Katoly, its capital, has become a dangerous city, some even named it “the capital of crime” because of the ever dwindling control it exerts over the applications of cybernetic technologies.
Security is no longer guaranteed and the police forces are too scanty to hope to re-establish order. A new institution is then set in place determined with the purpose of putting an end to criminal activities. Its agents, placed above police authority, are cyborgs armed to the teeth and bounty hunters. They are called tuned.

[Burning Angel]

Cool, I can still proofread this.

Prototype of Alita (missing title)


It was originally a short story whose plot was utterly different from the published BAA series. This story, to which the present plot was preferred, has never come to be released. Yukito Kishiro drew these plates and added several sketches and explanatory notes before he presented the project to his editor. Some of the names such as Tuned Yoko as well as some devices (the Unocycle) were re-used almost as such in the final version of the series.

Post atomic calendar year 106. Kyaton, a great economic power is ruled by the AIC, one of the largest multinational companies. Katoly, its capital, has become a dangerous city, some even named it “the capital of crime” because of the ever dwindling control it exerts over the applications of cybernetic technologies.

-Are you sure that it is "Post atomic calendar" and not just "Atomic Calendar"?

btw check this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Gulak

Sergio, can you mention Ben Gulak's Unocycle in your Battle Angel Alita glossary?

[Cailon]

@post-atomic calender: Yes, it says "calendrir post-atomique"

Here are the pages 08, 09 cleaned: http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?nwmijnmc3ly
(as always, I hope the quality is ok ) Only the headline is messed up, I read only afterwards that we'll change it into "Alita" but that should be easy for an editor.

Go litchi master, go! Great to have you back! Only 12 pages left for the first book! (urk! ) But some of them barely have any text, on the other hand

[litchi master]

I am actually working from my own copy of Gunnm complete edition, it is more convenient and less straining for the eyes.

here we go.

Silent night finds its origins in a christmas tale written during autumn of the year 1989.
In the final version of the story I kept the main idea: that is the relationship between the giant cyborg and the clone girl as well as the cyborg's design among other things. Beware this has nothing to do with Dolly the cloned ewer (lol) In the beginning I thought I would draw a story about 30 pages long but as I wanted to develop the issue of Ido's consciousnes as a doctor, Silent night has become longer than expected.

That's it for the time being, I'll be back soon.

[Burning Angel]

Here we go:

Silent Night has its origins in a Christmas tale written during autumn of the year 1989.
In the final version of the story I kept the main idea: that is the relationship between the giant cyborg and the clone girl as well as the cyborg's design among other things. Beware this has nothing to do with Dolly the cloned ewer (wasn't it a sheep) (lol). In the beginning I thought I would draw a story about 30 pages long but as I wanted to develop the concept of Ido's consciousnes as a doctor, Silent Night has become longer than expected.

[Sergio Nova]

Please note:
1. This story was published here (available in the manga downloads page) as Sweet Night.
2. If I'm not mistaken, the correct name of the Christmas song is Holy Night.

[Burning Angel]

Please note:
1. This story was published here (available in the manga downloads page) as Sweet Night.
2. If I'm not mistaken, the correct name of the Christmas song is Holy Night.

You're right, it's actually it's called O Holy Night.