Battle Angel The Movie ...FROM HELL!!!

[Megan_Gale]

Okay so let's say James Cameron actually makes this Battle Angel movie.
I think everyone on some level is afraid it will get screwed up.
The question is, how badly? How badly COULD it get screwed up??
I propose we exorcise the jinx and explore the WORST POSSIBLE VERSIONS of a feature-film length Battle Angel adaptation! And I'll go first.


BATTLE ANGEL: THE MOVIE

Doctor John Ido, a warm, twinkly eyed fellow played by Bill Pullman is exploring the set of Blade Runner one day when he finds something mysterious in the rubble of the outskirts of town. It's a cute young girl! He takes her home, builds her an aesthetically pleasing body and introduces her to life in the dystopian future. "Alita" wants more from life, however, because she has angsty flashbacks of a time when she kicked ass! Who knew, she still can kick some ass! Alita becomes quite a proficient ass-kicking chick, working as a bounty hunter and taking down big stupid looking CGI imbeciles. Ido warns her about the danger, but she will not be dissuaded. Then one of them turns out to be more than she bargained on, a charismaless monster (voiced by Hugo Weaving?) maybe wearing like a black trenchcoat or something, who spouts trite nihilist bullshit, scares the shit out of everybody, and kills Doctor Ido in an emotionally wrenching scene reminiscent of the death of Mufasa in the Lion King. Alita is whupped bad and the townspeople turn on her. Disillusioned, she flees into the set of Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome and takes on a job working for a shadowy government organization, kicking ass for The Man. There, she meets a big sexy dude, played by some guy from a popular tv show, who she initially dislikes but warms up to. Then they have a bitchin' steamy sex scene!! After which they decide to go back and save the city.
Twist!! The government organization opposes her! An old dude with a British accent tells her she "WILL be NEUTRALIZED!!" if she doesn't return to her duties. They send agents to stop her and her man, but they easily kick their asses, and trade sexy witty banter all the way. Alita and her man (who I forgot to mention will have an action movie name like "Hunter" or "Tex") return to the city, which has gone all to hell! They asskick their way in, and word spreads through the downtrodden denizens: ALITA IS BACK IN TOWN!!
They confront Hugo Weaving, who first says things like "do you really think that you're strong enough to beat me this time, little girl...?"
Alita and the hulkster are all like, "YEAH WE ARE!" But!!! Hugo Weaving has taken hostage some waif that Alita had a pleasant conversation with earlier in the film!!! (I'm thinking more Shumira than Koyomi here.) "Don't worry," her bf assures her, "I'll take care of the girl, you get Hugo Weaving!" Alita squares off with him, and they trade a couple taunts and trade blows, causing majorly impressive destruction special effects. Love interest then frees the girl but sustains a mortal wound! What gives!? The bad guy from the scrapyard was secretly a pawn of the shadowy government organization ALL ALONG?!? Dang! Alita is crying tears of rage, but Hugo Weaving has really got her on the ropes. JUST BEFORE HE CAN DEAL THE MORTAL BLOW, boyfriend appears out of nowhere and cheapshots the bad guy. Oh man is he pissed. He swats the wounded hero like a fly, but WHAT'S THIS?? Alita used the time that he bought her!! She is drawing upon some previously unknown well of power. SHE KICKS HIS ASS LEFT RIGHT AND SIDEWAYS! Take that, Hugo Weaving! The government agency is repulsed. The waif gives Alita a great big hug. Lo and behold, her boyfriend's all right! Yay!! Everyone in the city embraces her as their champion once more, and now Butch and Alita can live happily ever.

....UNTIL THE SEQUEL!!! COUNTERATTACK OF THE SHADOWY GOVERNMENT AGENCY! SHINY, COOL NEW TECHNOLOGY! ORIGIN STORY EXPLORED: A BEVVY OF BEAUTIFUL ASS-KICKING WARRION WOMEN!! RUMBLE IN THE WASTELAND! RUMBLE IN SPACE!! (Rumble from my lower intestine.) Coming Memorial Day Weekend, 20XX.



(Actually, this is kind of exactly what I'm thinking the Cameron version will be. Any other dystopic visions...?)

[Sergio Nova]

Man, you have scared me!

[vilma21]

yeah hears mine.. the whole movie is about motor ball,, ugh im sure of it!!! dont get me wrong it's cool and all but the whole movie cant be about it, but i think it will be all about that damn sport.

[TheNefariousImp]

Cameron falls ill and gives the directing helm to M. Night Shyamalan who makes a twist ending where all the events were just the dream of Gally the cat who is owned by a guy who looks like Ido, but he's actually an Amish craftsmen who sees dead people and is secretly a super hero. The end.

[Milliardo]

im not to worried as he is working with the creator of BAA so he cant get it to wrong. the first movie is suposed to be the first few books if im not mistaken. it cant bad as bad as the OVA was

[Sergio Nova]

it cant bad as bad as the OVA was

Actually, nothing on Earth (or even Mars) can be that bad.

In my version, Cameron finally admits his incapacity and calls Peter Greenaway to make a masterpiece. As a result, the film will enter the hall of fame, but it will be restrict to half a dozen intellectuals, as it will be a complete commercial failure.

One thing is certain: Int29Ah will love it, as well as some members in this forum; thus, I am not alone.

[Milliardo]

One thing is certain: Int29Ah will love it

you think so?

[moooV]

Is this topic started to get on me? Are trolls starving to death?


After watching Avatar, I've changed my opinion - I've started seriously thinking that JC is capable of creating a good BAA movie. I'm not even afraid of it being screwed up anymore - if JC will make it, it will be a masterpiece.

But still, I'm afraid about it a lot, because:

There will be a HYPE. Do you remember the Avatar hype? I DON'T WANT to see BAA posters on every billboard on the streets, in the metro, in public transport! I don't want to see it's trailer every advertisement pause on the TV. This will be a NIGHTMARE!

I don't want my friends (or even worse - the relatives) to speak about it! Every time someone speaks to me about Avatar, I get really nervous and angry.

I don't want the istery about BAA everywhere. Just take a look at the DeviantART! For the past two months, every 7th-10th art is Na'vi! This IS nightmare! I can't wish the same to BAA!

Next thing is - take a look at the discussion at IMDB. People really think that this is something like 14 years old cyborg child! This is unbeleivable.


I don't want to develop this post further. If this movie will be made - it will be a masterpiece, but if it isn't - I'll be extremely glad!

[litchi master]

Well Well we don't have any visuals of the movie Alita do we? ihad we got any we could confirm some of our suspicions, given that we could have a clear insight of the audience towards which it is directed. it is true that the fourteen year old major ass kicking girl thing is a bit worrying. However, at the beginning of the story, Alita does look young, maybe not fourteen but seventeen may be a good guess I think.

now for the scary part, I tend to trust Cameron, as he has directed my favourite movie but I am afraid that as in avatar blood will be mostly absent. violence was one of the only redeeming traits of the ova, with the minced dog (loved that moment, the only one I liked in fact). As for the story, if they have a Makaku true to the original with the same motivations and not a stereotypical villain, that should keep the story from being a stupid manichaen mainstream flick. I think they can twist the story a bit, without doing much harm.
After all, the ova was done at a time when the series was still very recent and no one except from kishiro knew where the story would be going. But now the first series is finished and there is an on going sequel. Things are different.
Nevertheless, the movie could be shitty if,

They keep exactly the same screen play as the ova without the violence!
yugo is a hunter warrior!
Alita becomes a hunter warrior to get closer to yugo
Alita doesn't know panzer kunst from the beginning but is taught by an old drunken martial artist she meets in the street.
Ido is a peace loving one side scientist, who abors violence and hunter warriors.
Alita goes to high school.
the final fight occurs on the grounds of the school where Makaku has crashed the prom night just after Alita And yugo have shared their first kiss. (or are just about to do so)
Alita's best friend is a Na' vi
Alita was eventually born on pandora and is the exiled daughter of the last ruler of pandora and Na' vi hitmen from the opposing faction to kill her and assume power.
Alita is in fact the last of the transformers!
there is a kawaï robot robot dog
at some point in the story a boat sinks to remind the beholder that JC directed Titanic

stupid allusions to cyborg sex... like Alita having sex in car with a steamed window...

hugo weaving
bruce paine
eric roberts

can't see worse
Hope you won't have too many nightmare because of me

[Megan_Gale]

All right, all right... I don't honestly think the movie would really be as bad as all that....
...BUT IF IT IS?? I want to get my expectations good and lowered!! I want to be pleasantly suprised by this film, no matter what it turns out to be.

They keep exactly the same screen play as the ova without the violence!

That's pretty much what I'm afraid will have to happen if they plan to adapt the whole thing in three films Lord of the Rings style.

Alita goes to high school.
the final fight occurs on the grounds of the school where Makaku has crashed the prom night just after Alita And yugo have shared their first kiss. (or are just about to do so)

YES!!! That's the stuff I'm talking about.


I'd also like to offer up another potential scenario:

An actor and two actresses in their mid twenties who star on popular television dramas are three typical high school students, living normal lives in New York City, today. One day, all the television broadcast signals are hijacked by a mysterious figure... played by Ving Rhames or Laurence Fishburne... who announces to the world that at the age of nineteen, when adults go to take their driving liscence tests, THEIR BRAINS ARE IN FACT REMOVED!! AND REPLACED BY BIOCHIPS, WHICH LIMIT THE PERAMETERS OF SEDITIOUS THOUGHT, INSTALLING SOMETHING CALLED "UNANIMOUS", WHICH LIMITS AND ENFORCES A PEACEFUL SOCIETY!!!
The city goes crazy! Madness, suicides, and rioting abound. The attractive trio hide out at the top of a WAYYY TALL BUILDING, maybe like the Chrysler building, or the Statue of Liberty, in the torch. A throng of crazies are coming for them, and it's not looking good, when all of a sudden
BAM!
Megan Fox, dressed head to toe in shiny black vinyl, wearing a pair of stupid looking mechanical arms, SWOOPS IN, kicks everyone's asses, and explains to them that she is BATTLE ANGEL ALITA, and she is looking for the beefy humorless black stand in for Desty Nova, in order to do some stuff that will save the day. The less-attractive girl dies at some point, the guy and the girl who live get tricked-out cyborg bodies and Battle Angel Megan Fox teaches them how to use them, in some majorly expensive scenes where they fly around New York City, fight government tanks and blow stuff up. In the final battle Megan Fox is incapacitated somehow and the irritating kids have to step up and save the day. I can't even pretend I'm entertained by this as I'm typing this.


[Off topic: Is it like some rule or something in the past ten years that when you write an action movie with a charismatic character you have to give them as LITTLE SCREEN TIME AS POSSIBLE in favor of some tedious storyline showcasing a young attractive actor from television? I'll call this the Pirates of the Carribbean/Kingdom of the Crystal Skull effect.]

[MonolitH]

The Movie will be different compared to the books, this will most likely be a fact like the amen in a prayer.
The Books weren't made for a worldwide audience... They don't even match for most of the Japanese Readers.

I've recently been reading an article about the Computer Gaming Industry in which they have to alter the game's most basic Appearance like coloring, brightness, etc... for the European ( dark, dirty ) / US Market ( bright, colorfull ) to reach the masses.
A movie done by JC has to reach the masses otherwise not even he would produce it no matter how much he likes the book so in order to do this he'll have to alter it into something that will reach the masses.

You'll probably gonna have a hard time to find the scene in which Hugo rips out the spine of one of his Victims while he's still alive/concious like he did in the books shortly before Dexter arrives.
I also can't imagine the movie to be that gory like the the books were/are which, in my opinion, is partially what makes the books so... heh... alive.

On the other side... I just imagined a fast paced fight of Alita vs. Jashugan with the capabilities of today's rendering power which made movies like Transformers/Avatar possible.

[Sam]

To Int29AH: Think about the thing that this movie will be really hype.

If everyone is going to watch the movie, that means that it will make a lot of money right?
A part of this money will go to Yukito right?
In this way, Yukito will not stopped the Manga because of money, he will employ assistants to make the backgrounds and other stuffs jobs and the chapters will be released more oftenly!!
I wish for this movie to be a hype movie!

P.S.: Sorry it was a little out of topic

[Sergio Nova]

If everyone is going to watch the movie, that means that it will make a lot of money right?

Indeed! If you want to comment anything, you are supposed to have seen it. If you like it or not, it is another point.

A part of this money will go to Yukito right?

Wrong! Cameron bought the rights. It means Kishiro has already been paid. In case the film is not made, or in case the film sells twenty million dollars a day, it will be indifferent to him.

Anyway, one thing is true: if the film sells, the manga will sell as well, thus Kishiro will make money, although in that case he will not have to do anything else. The work will be already finished.

By the way: I still think Peter Greenaway is the guy!

[TargaryenX]

What's with all the Hugo Weaving hate in this thread? I think he would make a great Makaku, if it weren't for the fact that it would frame the whole film in terms of the matrix.

[Megan_Gale]

Hugo Weaving is cool! He's just used as poorly in Hollywood films as Christopher Walken generally is. It's sad, really.

And speaking of poorly utilized persons and sadness?
Let's be honest, the odds of there being any satisfactory amount of Desty Nova in this proposed film are scant.

He doesn't show his face in the manga until as far as after the freaking motorball arc. Some deft rewriting would have to be done to thread him into an earlier storyline. (That glimpse you get of him at the end of volume one not withstanding.) And if the hook of the film is an attractive female cyborg superwarrior, there's really not any great motivation for a Hollywood writer to put a his specific character in the mix, is there? You'd have to actually appreciate the nuances of the source material, all the philosophical back and forth, to realize that he's really, really important. I hope that whoever writes this film fits that description, but I don't hold my breath for it.

The Desty Nova story is not so secretly my ideal Battle Angel movie.

David Cronenberg could do a great job on it, I think.

But enough playing around, we all know it's gonna be an hour and a half of motorball.

[Chase]

I can only hope they do not screw it to hell.

However what will bug me is the bandwagon effect. It becomes popular and everyone jumps on, and people like us who have been reading the series since its early years, well we are treated like every other 'hyped' and crazy newbie who suddenly loves the Manga and has someone despite never having heard of it till 2010 has somehow suddenly been reading it since 1990 (which is probably like 2 to 4 years before most of them were born). Ugh.

Though, to be honest I have only been reading Gunnm since around 2000ish. But that is still a decent period.

[Dream]

The worst, and sadly believable, scenario I see would be to have a movie about Ido, with Gally being just a trophy for him in the end. Like, she starts strong and powerful, but in the end it's just a facade and she's just, yet another week girl who needs a man's shoulder to get anywhere in life. Stuff like this already happens far too often in manga and movies in general, I could imagine some executives pushing it in the movie because "that's what people wants see".

[litchi master]

I don't think so if you remember Aliens, it could have been easy for Cameron to leave Sigourney Weaver aside and ditch Ripley's part, after all it was only the second movie of the series and not a franchise yet, there was no obligation to have Ripley come back, a simple aside from the board of directors might have sufficed: "57 years an officer from the commercial ship nostromo reported a creature attacked the crew and only left her alive, what a preposterous story."and that was it. Instead of that Cameron chose to keep Ripley with the role of a heroic strong willed woman though she was surrounded by bad ass caricatural space marines. the last one alive is all beaten up and ends up crying.
While Ripley kicks the ass of the Alien queen.
So I wouldn't be afraid of Alita ending up as a trophy, Cameron is used to staging strong willed women remember Abyss, Titanic and the best for the end Sarah Connor! So I wouldn't be afraid of having a submissive Alita.
The only thing I am afraid of is a creepy American digested scenario.


By the way I don't hate Hugo weaving, it's just that the "not him again!!" syndrom, that's all.
By the way Christopher Walker would be a perfect Desty Nova.

[Sergio Nova]

Take a loon in the end of the page.
http://blog.activehome.co.uk/2005/08/

[moooV]

Nothing informative, just the stuff about cinema technologies. Also, it's outdated badly - year 2005!

Cameron’s Battle Angel Alita (pictured)

This has really made me laugh, because the picture is absolutely unrelated.

[pedrokdc]

I think the worst case scenario is if JC tries to insert a politically correct tone in the movie, like in Avatar "Oh the Na'vi are cute and brave and they protect the environment, let's do the same" kind of stuff, by the way I can't watch the ending of Avatar and not think: the humans will come back six years later an nuke them from orbit".

Aside from my previous comment the worst possible scenario is:

A combination "Megan_Gale's " New York bullshit with a fragile trophy Alita culminating in Another Crap like Transformers 2:

Yugo is vigorous young brat portrayed by Shia LaBeouf, read 'Sam' Witwicky, making stupid and 'funny' comments he meets Alita she dresses Victorian, to apell for the japanease, and is being heresed by any generic bad guy, Sam gets his ass seriously kicked when he gets better he meets Cheng an old martial arts master, he fights electromagnetic Karate, and under all the cyber-crapy makeup who is playing Cheng yes good and old Jackie Chan, he doesn’t fight just Sam fights, bla bla bla... they fight Makaku, who appears out of nowhere, and has a huge pair of BALLS.

I hate Transformers 2 movies

I live in Brasil And read the Mangas since 2000 when it was released here

XD BAA rocks

[Sergio Nova]

I live in Brasil And read the Mangas since 2000 when it was released here

Thus you have read only Hyper Future Vision by JBC?
Oh, yes, there is also the pirate edition by Opera Graphica, but it is a reprodution on Viz's first volume.

[pedrokdc]

I will look for it

[moooV]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVfd6fg7QsM

Check this out, it's JC speaking about his life circle.
He said nothing about BAA directly, but only one phrase including a word "cyborg" in a context of him being a huge science fiction fan in conjunction with a word "space ship". Nothing serious, but interesting by itself. I didn't expect him to be such a person - he has raised even more in my eyes.

[GrubEater]

Bumping this thread so people can say whether their worst fears were realised with the making of the A:BA movie, and if so, to what extent?