GLO 111 Translation Script

[Burning Angel]

as for "Is this the “undesirable but inseparable relationship”?", I've found that sentence in the dictionnary, so unless you find a perfect match, we'll keep it. But I don't think unholy alliance really applies here.

"Unholy Alliance" is a term usually used in geopolitics. It refers to 2 or more countries or forces that under normal circunstances would antagonize one another, but are forced to become allies themselves to reach a common goal (usually bad or malevolent) or fight a common foe.

For example, during WW2, the Anglo-American forces of Churchill and Roosevelt were forced to ally themselves with Stalin to fight the Nazis and Fascists. So I think that the term "Unholy Alliance" does fit perfectly well in this case (Gally+Iupiter+Arthur/Melchizedek).

But you have the last word ashod, so what do you think?

[Burning Angel]

Page 5

Gally: Like walking. Like running. Like dancing.
In order for my body to become as I think of myself. // In order to transform my body into the image I have of myself.

Gally: Aa…
I will melt and mix with it… // I will melt and fuse with it…


Page 13

Yupitan: No, the annihilation of the Earth Orbitary Federation and the LADDER Council would rather be a good opportunity for the Jupiter System Union! // No, the annihilation of the Earth Orbitary Federation and the LADDER Council would be a rather good opportunity for the Jupiter System Union!

Gally: This bastard…!! // You bastard…!!


Page 16

Yupitan: Your brain chip uses the Fata Morgana as an intermediate to be in a quantum link with Melchizedek. // Your brain chip uses the Fata Morgana as a proxy in a quantum link with Melchizedek.

Your Imaginos body is bind with the wormhole reactor. // Your Imaginos body is bound to the wormhole reactor.

Even if one of these pieces were removed, the real you could not be composed by any of it. // If one of these pieces were removed, the real you could not support any of it.

Arthur: It’s like a miracle system made of chance pilling up… but it’s impossible for your biological brain to operate such a system. // It’s a miraculous system created by the accumulation of improbable circunstances… but it’s impossible for your biological brain to operate such a system.


More to come later...

[ashod]

Hey Burning Angel, good work.

I spoke with a japanese friend today and she confirmed me that "kusare en" didn't have that meaning found in unholly alliance. The expression you're proposing is pointing to a very particular situation. I showed her the chapter, and it's more a japanese pun than a true reference to alliances of political parties/power in this case.

She also cleared my mind on the entanglement pun. There are no other meanings, just some random kanji's used to show that Gally doesn't get a crap of what Yupitan is talking about.

I also changed one of the corrected sentences you proposed :

It’s a miraculous system created by the accumulation of improbable circunstances

to

It’s a miraculous system made by the accumulation of improbable circunstances

The kanji's used is clearly made and not created. Plus, it's a combination of tools that makes a new tool (Gally), not a creation (like god created stuff).

Keep up the great work!

[Burning Angel]

Page 17

Gally: That’s too evil/sinful!! // That’s too heinous!!


Page 20

Gally: Ido… and Lou

Those people were “Zalemians” with brain chips. // They were Salemians (or Tiphareans) with brain chips.

I don’t think of Ido and Lou as robots and I don’t even want to think about them as robots. // I don’t consider Ido and Lou robots and I don’t even want to think about them as such.


Page 21

Gally: Ever since I’ve been aware of myself, I’ve had a mechanical body. // Ever since I can remember, I’ve always had a mechanical body.


Page 22

Gally: Just what am I supposed to do!
There’s nothing to be done, isn’t there!! // There’s nothing that can be done, is there!!

Erika: Come now, stop crying!! // Please, stop crying!!


Page 23

Gally: At the end, I’ve made a complete lap and ended up getting at the same place… // At the end, I’ve made a complete lap and ended up reaching the same place… (it's better)


Page 24

Yupitan: It seems the quanta have converged. // It seems there was a quantum convergence.

Arthur: We have difficulty observing events we can cause direct influence to, because of interfering noise. // We have difficulty observing events we can't cause direct influence to, because of interfering noise.


Page 25

Gally will work to insure humanities fate, independently of any political interest. // Gally will work to insure humanity's fate, independent from any political interest.


Page 28

The Onion Frame changed its appearance to a strange looking thing due to Gally’s nano-machines encroachment. // The Onion Frame changed its appearance to a strange looking thing due to Gally’s nano-machine encroachment.


Page 29

In the meantime, every town of the Ieru Luna were in the vortex of chaos and rebellion due to the interruption of the Unanimous system. // In the meantime, all the cities of the Lunar colonies were spiraling out of control due to the desactivation of the Unanimous system.

Only a very few noticed that the collision of the Onion Frame with the surface of the moon was avoided. // Very few noticed that the collision of the Onion Frame with the surface of the moon was avoided.

After that, the Onion Frame was found going around Luna. //After that, the Onion Frame was found looping Luna.


Page 30

Earth: Wasteland // Earth: Badlands

Guy: I’m about to leave for Scrapyard City. Wanna join me? // I’m about to leave for the Scrapyard. Wanna join me?

Guy: According to rumors, you see, seems like Scrapyard City is in serious shit maaan~ // According to rumors, you see, seems like the Scrapyard is in serious shit maaan~

I hear things like, Zalem almost fell and all… I’ve no idea if it’s true or not though, you know. // I hear things like, Salem (or Tiphares) almost fell and all… I’ve no idea if it’s true or not though, you know.

Ido – Figure : The Scrapyard City!? // The Scrapyard!?

I spoke with a japanese friend today and she confirmed me that "kusare en" didn't have that meaning found in unholly alliance. The expression you're proposing is pointing to a very particular situation. I showed her the chapter, and it's more a japanese pun than a true reference to alliances of political parties/power in this case.

Ok... good enough...

[ashod]

Burning Angel, nice effort.

There are a few points I don't agree with though.

Gally: That’s too evil/sinful!! // That’s too heinous!!

My friend told me it has more the meaning : "you're even more evil than I thought". so if you can propose something more english on this idea.


I don't understand why you're so obsessed with Salem. The "Sa" syllable exists in Japanese, But Kishiro clearly uses the syllable "Za", which makes it Zalem.

Also, for Kuzutetsu, which means scrapyard. Kishiro uses "Kuzutetsu machi", machi means town/city.
I can understand that you want it to be coherent with the american version, and let's say The Scrapyard is acceptable as a city name referring to the only scrapyard city that exists in the story.

But for Zalem, we go with Tiphares for continuity, or adopt Zalem to be faithful to the writers choice.
Salem is meaningless here.


Arthur: We have difficulty observing events we can cause direct influence to, because of interfering noise. // We have difficulty observing events we can't cause direct influence to, because of interfering noise.

I have translated correctly, you're missing the point here.

[Burning Angel]

Gally: That’s too evil/sinful!! // That’s too heinous!!

My friend told me it has more the meaning : "you're even more evil than I thought". so if you can propose something more english on this idea.

Then how about... You're even more evil than I thought.

I don't understand why you're so obsessed with Salem. The "Sa" syllable exists in Japanese, But Kishiro clearly uses the syllable "Za", which makes it Zalem.

1. It's a play on words.... the cities are called Jeru and Salem... as in Jerusalem, the holy city (not Jeruzalem). It's like their sister cities on the other side of the Earth; they're called Zig and Gurat... as in Ziggurat, the name of ancient temples in Mesopotamia.

2. In the English dub of the Battle Angel OVAs, the floating city is also called Salem, not Zalem.

3. The number six in German is Sechs... yet AR-6 in Japanese is called Xechs. Which is the correct version?

Arthur: We have difficulty observing events we can cause direct influence to, because of interfering noise. // We have difficulty observing events we can't cause direct influence to, because of interfering noise.

I have translated correctly, you're missing the point here.

Sorry about that one...

[ashod]

You're pointing out things that are irrelevant imo.

2. In the English dub of the Battle Angel OVAs, the floating city is also called Salem, not Zalem.

So what?

3. The number six in German is Sechs... yet AR-6 in Japanese is called Xechs. Which is the correct version?

ok.

But, if Kishiro wants his character to be called Zechs, or Xechs, it's his call.
He may base his idea on Sechs from the german word, but if he writes it in another way, then it is his choice and not ours to "correct" him. Because "Sechs" is possible using the japanese katakana... Do you get what I mean?

Japanese is a language where you have syllables. The only letters that come as standalone are : A-I-U-E-O-N
So there's no "M" letter all alone. If you want a word to end by "M", you have to use "Mu". And it's pretty clear in japanese that most of the foreign based words ending with "U" are for words that have to end on a consonant, hence all the words borrowed from foreign language ending by "U"... (except the ones ending with an "N", that is directly possible in japanese).

That point put aside, here's how it goes :

Zalem = ザ=Za レ= Re ム=Mu
If Kishiro wanted Salem, it would be : サ=Sa レ=Re ム=Mu

I don't translate by Zalemu because I know how japanese works for the ending and "U" as explained before.

I have just explained and proved you why it should be Zalem and not Salem, and I obviously know the origin of the word Jerusalem...

So we can keep on doing the Tiphares crap for all the american readers out there or stick to the damn manga and go with Zalem. But Salem is just a new mistake.

Burning Angel, this is nothing personal, I just want for people not familiar with japanese to understand how it works.

Peace.

[Burning Angel]

Burning Angel, this is nothing personal, I just want for people not familiar with japanese to understand how it works.

Peace.

I know this is nothing personal. It's just two guys defending their position with passion. There is nothing wrong with that... But I admit that it's a stupid discussion about just 1 word (Zalem/Salem). I'm sorry about that.

Japanese is a language where you have syllables. The only letters that come as standalone are : A-I-U-E-O-N
So there's no "M" letter all alone. If you want a word to end by "M", you have to use "Mu". And it's pretty clear in japanese that most of the foreign based words ending with "U" are for words that have to end on a consonant, hence all the words borrowed from foreign language ending by "U"... (except the ones ending with an "N", that is directly possible in japanese).

That point put aside, here's how it goes :

Zalem = ザ=Za レ= Re ム=Mu
If Kishiro wanted Salem, it would be : サ=Sa レ=Re ム=Mu

I don't translate by Zalemu because I know how japanese works for the ending and "U" as explained before.

I have just explained and proved you why it should be Zalem and not Salem, and I obviously know the origin of the word Jerusalem...

I also know that the literal translation from Japanese to English would be "Zalem". But we all know that literal translations aren't always correct or adecuate... Sometimes it's ok to take some liberties in the translations.

I mentioned the play on words with Jeru-Salem and Zig-Gurat. That was also the intention of Kishiro. And if you were to change Salem for Zalem, that would be lost.

So what?

Even though the OVAs are non-canon and incomplete, it does strenthen my argument. That is, Salem sounds/writes better in English than Zalem.

ok.

But, if Kishiro wants his character to be called Zechs, or Xechs, it's his call.
He may base his idea on Sechs from the german word, but if he writes it in another way, then it is his choice and not ours to "correct" him. Because "Sechs" is possible using the japanese katakana... Do you get what I mean?

I understand you. But by that logic, we should also make literal translations of Kishiro's German names of Panzer Kunst techniques. But many times, those names are wrong. I mean, those names are not written correctly in German in a literal translation.

What would you prefer... Keep the tranlations as close to the original Japanese as posible, even if they are wrong?
Or... Be more flexible in the translations if that helps to be more accurate (you know, translate it into actual German)?



And for the record... I would prefer the crappy Tiphares name to Zalem. But that's just my opinion. But in the end, you're the translator. You have the last say.

[ashod]

I know this is nothing personal. It's just two guys defending their position with passion. There is nothing wrong with that... But I admit that it's a stupid discussion about just 1 word (Zalem/Salem). I'm sorry about that.

First of all, thank you for your attitude, it's nice to be able to discuss matters without people getting hurt.

But in the end, you're the translator. You have the last say.

I'm not a dictator and I will not go down that way!

I'm just trying to give an explanation based on my knowledge of the japanese language.
I think that if people see things how I see them, maybe they'll accept my explanation. Or maybe not.

I think you have a point on the liberties a translator should take, to make the text clear for foreigners.

Maybe I'm biased because I've always read Zalem be it in french or japanese.

I mentioned the play on words with Jeru-Salem and Zig-Gurat. That was also the intention of Kishiro. And if you were to change Salem for Zalem, that would be lost.

There's also the fact that this is still possible for french speakers/readers, because Jerusalem is Jeru"Z"alem phonetically in french.
I was wondering if Kishiro was inspired by the french word for Jerusalem (JeruZalem, phonetically) in the first place, to give it an exotic twist or something. I guess we'll have to ask him personally to know the answer.


Again, I'm not here to force my views/comprehension on everyone just because I'm the translator. If people want to stick to Tiphares, i'm ok with it. But I just want to be sure everyone has access to the same knowledge I do before taking that decision!

[Burning Angel]

Again, I'm not here to force my views/comprehension on everyone just because I'm the translator. If people want to stick to Tiphares, i'm ok with it. But I just want to be sure everyone has access to the same knowledge I do before taking that decision!

Bah... keep it as Zalem. It doesn't matter that much in the end, really. Hell, everyone knows what Tiphares/Salem/Zalem is. It's not like we are going to confuse anyone.

Sorry about giving you a hard time about it, though.

[Sergio Nova]

I am not in conditions to type, but this questions has gone too far, as far as I can see, while the explanation is simple.
Kishiro did write Zalem, that is true, but simply because the kanas are syllabaries (phonetic, not alphabetic writing systems).
In the world Jerusalem, the S sounds Z, so he had no other way to write it. Simply that. Suppousing that he would suggest a compound like Jeruzalem is schizophrenic, to say the least.

Anyway, I am just pointing that out. I certainly prefer Tiphares and Zeus, simply because they have already been decided, simply thtat. As a professional translator myself, as well as a reader, as hate when I find translation differences in a text. They are acceptable only when the previous translators have committed crimes against meaning, as confusing King Arthur and Santa Claus, for exemple (I have seen things that you guys would not believe).

{There are probably lots of typing mistakes above, but I cannot correct them now. I apologize.)

[HumanRage]

it pains me to admit it, but as Rippersanime Scanlations Inc. decided as a whole community to keep on the US standard (hence, calling the whole thing BAA instead of Gunnm), we shall stay consistant with the already released scans.

hence, Tiphares...

too bad this isn't a french site, at least the fr crapy rights holder didn't changed the original names (the only pro for many cons)

[ashod]

Hey Sergio Nova, glad to see you're doing fine after your surgery and are back in the dance with us! But...

but simply because the kanas are syllabaries (phonetic, not alphabetic writing systems).
In the world Jerusalem, the S sounds Z, so he had no other way to write it. Simply that. Suppousing that he would suggest a compound like Jeruzalem is schizophrenic, to say the least.

This is completely wrong man. You may be a professional translater, and I always take your advice into consideration, but you cannot make false statements like this about a language you don't know. I have explained earlier about the japanese syllabary system, read again.

The official word for Jerusalem in japanese = エルサレム= EruSaremu or イェルサレム= IeruSaremu
You can check wikipedia in japanese : http://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E3%82%A8% ... C%E3%83%A0

So, I'll stick with Tiphares because you people want continuity, but I'm not changing my opinion on this matter, and I'm definitely not accepting false explanations.

[ashod]

HumanRage : indeed man!
I don't like glenat's politics, but they've respected some things in the translation process, such as names.
Not everything though, I buy the french and japanese version of the manga, and I've noticed some freedom with the translation sometimes.

[Sergio Nova]

So, I'll stick with Tiphares because you people want continuity, but I'm not changing my opinion on this matter, and I'm definitely not accepting false explanations.

Thanks for the cheers.
You did not understand my point. The Scrapyard/Salem/Jeru are English language environments, the same way Mars is a German language environment, Venus is French and Jupiter is Russian. Kishiro decided that, not I. The fact is that there would be no sense in naming the cities with the Japanese names, but only with the English ones. But, all right, I admit I am stubborn.

[Lemonlol]

p01 : Missing chapter's title.

p02, f4 : Incorrect sentences/bubbles breakdown, I suppose. But still easily figurable.

p08-09 : Yupitan ? Not Jupitan ? Nor Zeus ? So much for "name continuity"...

More later (hope not).

[ashod]

Lemonlol, i'll check everything you mentioned, and we go with Zeus and Tiphares if people are ok with it.

[ashod]

Ok, checked and replaced names.

[Lemonlol]

Thank you for the previous corrections. Here's the next (supposedly) mistakes :

p10 f6 : Missing "unbubbled" text's translation. (Gally speaking)

p11 f5 : "By no means!!" --> "No way!!" ?

p12 : There's an error... somewhere on the page... but I'm fine WITH it !

p13 f1 : I think "Troposphere" is explained in a missing footnote.

p14 f5 : "chess pieces" --> "pawns" ?

p15 f2 : Invalid joke. She can't say "Yuppi" now that we've changed "Yupitan" to "Zeus". Maybe "Zeussy" or something ?

p16 f1 : Missing footnote for the "Fata Morgana".

[Sergio Nova]

Let me try to do something before I become crazy (I am almost immobilized).

Page 01
The malediction the fallen hero is leaving behind her will crush humanity’s future!!
[My question: Whom are we talking about? Alita? If so, she is a heroine, not a hero.]

Page 10
I’m Alita. [character's name]

Page 11
The future isn’t only restricted to destruction, Jovian observer. (I think it sounds more natural)

Page 12
Can you see a different future even though you’re part of the same quantum convergence observation system? (I think it sounds more natural)
The existence of fluctuations in the karma of the yet unknown shouldn’t be underestimated. For example, allowing Alita to return to the finals would greatly alter the future, don’t you think so? (character's name)
The observed outcome would greatly change, I guess. (missing comma)

Page 14
What would you do if Melchizedek observed a future completely different from the one you saw? (if I understood the context)

Page 15
I've told you, I’m Alita. Zeus, you have a bad memory!! (auxiliary;character's name, supercomputer name)

Page 16
If one of those pieces were removed, the real you could not support any of it. (demonstrative)

Page 17
Rest assured. Both Melchizedek and I draw a line with the planetary governments. (punctuation)
You’re even eviler than I thought!! (comparative)
Give up already. You’ve been broadcasting us everything you’ve seen and heard from the moment the entanglement was made, anyway. (punctuation; missing comma)
I would like to do that. But to restore your body, it will be necessary for you to be self-conscious and reach a high level of awareness. (spelling)

Page 18
24 hours here don’t even make a minute in the real world. (excessive preposition)
The fact that the Imaginos body, the Fata Morgana, the wormhole reactor and even the brainchip… (compound)

Page 19
Or is the soul contained in the brainchip a fake one? (compound)
If this “me” gets back the organic brain… (punctuation)

Page 20
… That’s how it felt, anyway. (missing comma)
They were Tiphareans with brainchips. (compound)
But now I can understand what he was feeling. or But, now, I can understand what he was feeling. (appositive)

Page 21
… That’s how it felt, anyway. (missing comma)
I’ve been avoiding thinking about this up to now. (preposition)
Then, my life is a borrowed life, to start with. (missing comma)

Page 22
Just what am I supposed to do? (question mark)
There’s nothing that can be done, is there? (question mark)

Page 23
Whatever drawbacks we have… (punctuation)

Page 24
This “me” will continue living with the brainchip. (compound)

Page 28
The Onion Frame changed its appearance to a strange looking thing due to Alita's nanomachine encroachment. (character's name; compound)

Page 30
I’m about to leave to the Scrapyard. Wanna join me? (preposition)

[Lemonlol]

Sorry, more translation checks coming...

p17 f5 : Gally: Does this mean no privacy?
p17 f5 : Is this an undesirable but inseparable relationship made by fate?
Is the first one the "bubbled" text and the second one the "over her head" text ? Or the other way around ?

p19 f1 : Gally: Then “me”, --> Then, "me",
p19 f1 : Where the heck am I? --> where the heck are you?
She's actually talking to "herself" here, no ?

p19 f2 : I wonder, would it dwell inside a mechanic chip?
Kishiro actually uses "mechanic" for a chip ? I'd have said it's an "electronic chip", but... If he says it's "mechanic"...

p19 f5 : もちつたあ- --> ???
p19 f5 : わ-ん --> ???
Missing 2 tiny bubbled texts the "ghosts" (outside the shell) are saying.

p22 f1 : There’s nothing that can be done, is there?? --> There's nothing that can be done!!
You keep the "affirmative" stance and further her desperation. No ?

p22 f5 : Even if it’s painful, at the end (...) --> Even if it’s painful, in the end

p23 f3 : Same.

p24 f6 : (just a suggestion) "(...) with the brain chip" --> "with a brain chip" ?


p1 : Considering all this monologue, could the chapter's title be "I, proudly.", meaning she finally acknowledges to be this "self", despite her unanswered questions about her soul ?

[Sergio Nova]

Sorry, more translation checks coming...

p17 f5 : Gally: Does this mean no privacy?

Someone please tell me: will we be naming her Gally or Alita?

[HumanRage]

it's actually intended to the lettering editor, who knows his shit.

sergio, since you are immobile you should rest and learn to breathe and meditate, use that time to both rebuild your body and build up on your inner self

hospital pain drugs are good for that exercice

[ashod]

Sorry guys, I hope I'll get more time tonight to check every detail you kindly pointed out.

I just wanted to quickly reply to say that I'm still here and point something out on this :

Page 01
The malediction the fallen hero is leaving behind her will crush humanity’s future!!
[My question: Whom are we talking about? Alita? If so, she is a heroine, not a hero.]

I've made a stupid mistake here, and it's obviously not her, but him! The fallen hero is Aga mbadi, even though there is no written evidence in this chapter. He was the fallen hero and his actions led to all of this.

I'll be back tonight to check everything.

[crazyankan]

I think we should stick with the names that we have always been using.
Too late to fix Alita/Gallys the names after 17+9 volumes