Some GLO extra pages --- proofreading needed

[Dharko]

New version :



Do we print it?

[Akumeno]

You made a Spanish-English translation of these pages?

nope I believed have found them in spanish, but I already done the translation of phase 81 from spanish to enlgish

and Now the page is perfect!!!

[Cailon]

Sorry to keep you waiting, I was on vacation^^.
I'll work on the Zanber page this weekend and post a script for proofreading midweek at the latest.

@Dharko: sorry, one last thing again in the diagram "causes of death", put "years" at the bottom right, next to "100". Apart from that, very cool!

@Akumeno: see phase 81 thread^^


edit: aah sorry, I found some other issues:
When I wrote "blah/ bluh", I thought you would choose the better one of the terms, not both. I only wrote both because I was unsure which is the better one^^
As far as I can see, its the case in:
- Legendary Vampires/ fabeled vampires
- they have no reflection/ mirror image

[Dharko]

Ok Cailon, the little details always count.

[Cailon]

ZANBER Page

So, here is the script. Again, I sometimes wrote two variations of a term, like "a/ b". Choose the more fitting one
Here is the pic with the numbers:

And here is a cleaned version: But its only LQ or MQ at maximum because my Photoshop broke and I did the cleaning with MS Paint. Dont know if you want to take it or improve it a bit in PS, like "auto-contrast" maybe...

-----------


[note: the whole thing is written in a style like its one big advertisement.]



1. Mars, home of the hearts of all warriors. The latest model of the "Zanber" company, that is domiciled on its red ground and grew large in its rich war-culture: the KZ90.
Here, we would like to introduce you to the opulent equipment of this weapon, lovingly called "boss-gun".

2. Zanber: an atelier that manufactures custom-made firearms for Martian special forces and high-ranked mercenaries.
The prices may be high, but the products, based on unique concept designs as well as the service, enjoy a cult status. The company name derivates from "Zanbato", the huge swords used on the battlefields of medieval Japan to slay mounted warriors.

3. 35mm grenade launcher

4. Rifle, caliber 7.5mm
One achieves an accuracy by the use of a stabilization-system, predestinating this weapon to be a sniper rifle.

5. Shotgun, 20mm
This optional weapon on the side is a mighty friend in close combat.

6. Ternary rocket launcher
Optional weapon on the side. With a knob, you can switch between the different weapons on the side.

7. Saw-bayonet
You could call this huge bayonet the trademark of Zanber. Thanks to its strong vibration-drive, even steel-plates with a thickness of 3cm are easily cut. In case of emergency, it even can be shot out of its barrel, which is integrated into the body of the weapon.

8. Security butt
Is linked with the user identification system. If the security chamber is charged with a bullet, the thief of this weapon gets shot in his shoulder the moment he pulls the trigger. Alternatively, if the chamber is charged with electric ignitable explosives, he can be blown into pieces cocksure.

9. Order now to get one bullet for free.

10. Emergency call button
In case of emergency, if you have concluded the Zanber Care Protection annual contract, you can call a Zanber task force for help.

11. This service is available only in regions specified by Zanber.


12. An elite unit under Zanber commando.

13. Magazine for the 25mm grenades

14. Magazine for the 7.5mm rounds

15. Security grip
Security is guaranteed by two user identifications, firstly by checking the users ID-chip, secondly by a retina scan performed by the sighting telescope. If any other than the current user is pulling the trigger, his thumb will be severed by an in-build thumb-guillotine.

16. It can be shot every ammunition within the Mars-standards. Because of the reliable Zanber-mechanism, the rifle can even be charged with a mix of light ammunition and such of 200percentage of effectiveness. With one out of 10.000 shots, a stoppage of the gun is very rare. We guarantee a secure operation of the weapon within -200 °C and 300 °C.

17. Magazine for the shotgun

18. Gun barrel cooling system
With a combination of a waste heat conduit and a Seebeck-generator, the heat of the gun barrel is efficiently transformed into electricity which charges the storage battery.
[for Seebeck-generator, see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thermocouple]

19. Operation recorder
The images of the sighting telescope, the data, sensors, bullet count, used ammunition, hit rate and so on are continuously copied into the internal storage. This data can be used for operation analysis, for confirmation or as a personal souvenir.

20. The Smart Sight System
Equipped with the latest facial recognition system. In combination with a video-stabilizer, every camouflage will be penetrated and the enemy will immediately be detected. The fully automatic "say cheese-mode" allows you to deliver a bullet into the forhead of every grinning enemy, automatically.

21. Even hidden enemys are clearly visible.
[*Its not that good to recognize in the raw but the picture shows a bulk of scrap and some camouflaged faces or helmets in it. Around every one of them is a crosshairs.]

22. The most powerful individual weapon, a present for every one-man-army!!

23. Screw you!

24. A hell of a sergeant on your submonitor
Into the submonitor that shows all kinds of data, the virtual character of "a hell of a sergeant" can be faded in. He not only gives strategical hints, but he also insults the enemy in your place if you lack the rhetorical basis. On top of that, this reliable, tough guy kicks your butt equally to cheering you up. The character can be individually customized.

25. An example for individual customization.

26. Further functions and service
- System to detect a marksman
By using numerous internal microphones, the trajectory of enemy bullets is calculated to show the direction of where the marksman is hiding.

- Variable camouflage lacquering
Pattern and color of the coating change in many ways, according to the environment, the weather or your mood.

27. Examples of different pattterns

28.
- Zanber-Link
Connects the gun with other Zanber-products and allows their combined control.

- Zanber-news feed (with costs)
With the conclusion of a Zanber annual contract you can receive the electronic news of the military recon-satellites of Zanber company. You can hear the weather forecast for air strikes, the latest news about the dispersion of landmines or the recent loss index.

29. Special options for members only

30. Autonomously moving stand
- Strong legs and hip. Optimally for ambuscades.

31. Rounds with berserker-cells
These rounds are filled with very active type A berserker-cells of the Oasa-production. With high-pressurized propellant, a range of 700 meters is possible. The ANMP-shell guarantees your safety.

32. Parasite-belt
Single-handedly connectable with your bain. By using an allocator, up to 10 weapons can be freehandedly fired. Shoot your enemies with your spinal cord!!

33. Living aim
Filled with intestines, these aims not only impart a realistic feeling of strikes, but they are also environment-friendly, because they are made out of 100% biodegradable material.
[*@Intestines: with "living aim" and the picture of a gagged, moving man in mind, "guts" or "intestines" could be a mini-censorship in the German edition, maybe because a gagged man as a truly living aim was too strong for them...]

[Sergio Nova]

My checking:

1. Mars, home of the hearts of all warriors. The latest model of the "Zanber" company, that is domiciled on its red ground and grew large in its rich war-culture: the KZ90. (who refers to humans only)

Here, we would like to introduce you to the opulent equipement of this weapon, lovingly called "boss-gun". (more elegant)

2. Zanber: an atelier that manufactures custom-made firearms for Martian special forces and high-ranked mercenaries. (If I understood it well, the world you are looking for is atelier; who/that; Martian in capital letter)

The prices may be high, but the products, based on unique concept designs as well as the service, enjoy a cult status. (missing commas)

The company name derivates from "Zanbato", the huge swords used on the battlefields of medieval Japan to slay mounted warriors. (excessive comma)

4. Rifle, caliber 7.5mm
One achieves an accuracy by the use of a stabilization-system, predestinating this weapon to be a sniper rifle. (structure)

6. Ternary rocket launcher (simply because ternary is less ordinary, and I do love different words)

You could call this huge bayonet the trademark of Zanber. Thanks to its strong vibration-drive, even steel-plates with a thickness of 3cm are easily cut. In case of emergency, it even can be shot out of its barrel, which is integrated into the body of the weapon. (Being here is poor English; cut is the correct past participle; missing comma)

8. Security butt (both OED and CED confirm butt as the correct noun)

10. Emergency call button
In case of emergency, if you have concluded the Zanber Care Protection annual contract, you can call a Zanber task force for help. (article removed; preposition and demonstrative are excessive here; possessive excessive here)

11. This service is available only in regions specified by Zanber. (adverb relocated according to the rules of good English)

12. An elite unit(?) under Zanber commando. (Why the question mark? The text is perfect without it.)

…hit rate and so on are continuously copied into the internal storage.

…for confirmation or as a personal souvenir. (personal choice, simply)

…every camouflage will be penetrated and the enemy will immediately be detected. (replacing adverb; say cheese seems perfect to me)

24. A hell of a sergeant on your submonitor
Into the submonitor that shows all kinds of data, the virtual character of "a hell of a sergeant" can be faded in. He not only gives strategical hints, but he also insults the enemy in your place if you lack the rhetorical basis. On top of that, this reliable, tough guy kicks your butt equally to cheering you up. The character can be individually customized. (sarge is informal; adverb relocated; conjunction and adverb included)

- System to detect a marksman
By using numerous internal microphones, the trajectory of enemy bullets is calculated to show the direction of where the marksman is hiding. (gerund changed for infinitive; neither OED nor CED accredit sharp shooter)

31. Rounds with berserker-cells
These rounds are filled with very active type A berserker-cells of the Oasa-production. With high-pressurized propellant, a range of 700 meters is possible. The ANMP-shell guarantees your safety. (lowercase; adjective position; unnecessary comma; the simpler the better)

By using an allocator, up to 10 weapons can be freehandedly fired. (adverb)

33. Living aim
Filled with intestines, these aims not only impart a realistic feeling of strikes, but they are also environment-friendly, because they are made out of 100% biodegradable material. (personal choice; conjunction)

[Cailon]

I have included everything, thank you!


Meanwhile: "Kombinat", there is a german word like that (but its not in use anymore), my dict. gives as a TL (all nouns): "combine", "combination", "trust", "syndicate", "cartel". But the french, too, have the word "combinate", so we dont know to wich language YK is refering to. I appreciate your work with the extra stuff, so I'll give it a try later, even if I'm not french

[Dharko]

Ok. Work in progress...

[Dharko]

Ok. Work in progress...

Here is the Salem Extra Page re-edited in spanish [of course ]:

I think is no more useful this pict here

The english version in next post. Xau.

[Akumeno]

ok ok count with your friendly spanishphine friend XD

"Como funciona Salem" title
How Salem works
Salem. that construction shrouded by mystry. we sahll resume it in a diagram everithing we have discovered during in the story

left column


"Parque de la cupula" paragraph

Dome Park
The biggest park in Salem. here the minors camp were settled, liderated by Jim Roscoe. Here also are located the public suicide boths, but the do not appear in last order story

"Protuberancias" paragraph

Protuberances

Below salem are located thre protuberances, inside wich are three Tesla coils (bobbines), using electromagnetic waves to nhance the wheather in the zone near the floating city. Also is possible too, to interrupt the escalar waves the coils emmit to inmmediatly send a long distance shockwave, attaining this way the last line of defense of the city (The Abaddon). Also in one of the protuberances is located the Ground Investigatin Bureau (GIB). Nova used this vacant space to secretly make his personal lab.

"Tubos" Paragraph

Pipes

Transport pipes unite Salem to the production factories in the surface. there are eleven pipes. Its said there was a twleveth pipe but a thousand years ago id dissapeared by an accident.

"Cámara de los residuos" paragraph

Residual chamber (residues, garbage chamber or something like that)

From here are expelled to the surface all the the residues generated by the city. Also, from here are expelled the living citizens condemed by the device against genetical type crimes. In the begining any of the was meant to endure the impact, but if the individual has the enough phisical and psichic strength, action capacity and luck, it isn't impossible to build quickly some kind of parachute and land alive, with the rest of residues in Kuzutetsu, there are few survivors like Ido capable of tell it.


ok here is some part of it mm amybe I'll translate the resting paragraphs tonight or tomorrow

[Sergio Nova]

Cailon & Dharko, here is a typing mistake I had not noticed before (between items 1 and 2)

Here, we would like to introduce you to the opulent equipment of this weapon, lovingly called "boss-gun". (more elegant)

[Sergio Nova]

My part in the party

This is my translation to the text. (My Lord! It is really difficult to translate Spanish-English!)

Hey, Dharko, where does this page come from?



How Tiphares works

Tiphares: a construction surrounded by a halo of mystery. We will summarize in a diagram everything we have ascertained up to now about it in the story.


Dome park

The biggest park in Tiphares. The encampment for minors headed by Jim Roscoe was settled here. The public suicide booths are also found here, although they are not shown in Alita Last Order.


Protuberances

There are three protuberances in Tiphares’ lowest sector, with three Tesla Coils that, through electromagnetc waves, contribute to ameliorate the meteorology around the floating city. Furthermore, it is also possible to make the scalar waves that emit the coils interfere to immediately send an energetic discharge to a long distance, thus also implementing functions like the ultimate weapon of defense to the city (the Abaddon).

In one of the protuberances, it was also located the Ground Investigation Bureau (G.I.B.) control room. Nova took possession of the vacant space to stealthily make it his personal laboratory.


Tubes

Tranport tubes that connect Tiphares to the facories on the ground. There is an amount of 11 tubes. It is said that previously there was a twelfth tube, but more than 100 years ago it disappeared due to an accident.


Residual chamber

The great volume of residues produced in the city is expelled from here. Likewise, living citizens who are condemned by the device against genetical crimes are also expelled from here. At first, none of them should survive the impact, but if the person has enough physical and psychic strength, will power and luck, it is not impossible to make a sort of parachute in a question of seconds and land alive, together with the residues, on The Scrapyard. There are some survivors, like Ido, able to tell that.


The orbital elevator

Also known as “Jacob’s Ladder”, it is a gigantic structure that reaches the stratosphere and that, thanks to the balance with the centrifugal force, is able to mantain Tiphares position.. It is essencially composed of unimolecular cables interwoven with carbon nanotubes. It also performs the functions of electricity generator, making use of the temperature difference between the atmosphere and the outer space. The total of the electric energy comsumed in Tiphares is generated here, including the overflowing energy that feeds the factories on the ground. As the name suggests, it has inside an elevator that, at its time, was capable of transporting hundreds of tons of matters a day. Nevertheless, it is nowadays used only to send the extracted brains of the already initiated Tiphareans.


Tiphares is divided in three great areas:

The residential area of the citizens

This is where Tiphareans live. Tiphares inhabitants have all sorts of sportive, cultural and educational installations available. [However, the education is limited to abstract areas of knowledge, as mathematics and philosophy.]


The structural area

Every machinery needed to pillar the physical structure of Tiphares and everything necessary to maintain the society that inhabits there is located here, as generation of electricity, food handling and logistics.


The central area of the M.I.B. (Medical Inspection Bureau)

Seen from above, the Medical Inspection Bureau occupies the Tipharean central circle. The entrance to this completely automated high-security area is forbidden to the Tiphareans. Among other installations, here can be found the initiation room, the automated manufactory of M.I.B. machines and brainchips, the main machine, DNA organ, the area of discharge and the orbital elevator.


The crimes commited by Tiphareans and the devices that control them



Device against genetical crimes

It is believed that the genes that control the execution of crimes, if certain conditions are given, are included in the Tipharean’s genetical bank, so the citizens who have inherited them are physically and psychologically overseen in a very strict way. When the psychological line reaches dangerous levels, the citizen is arrested, has he committed any delict or not. Usually, Tiphareans whose criminal genes have aroused are ejected alive from the city through the residual chamber in the lower part of the structure. Ido is an example of that.

Device for reintegration of criminals

Criminals not supposed to menace the Tipharean society, as well as the ones who have committed crimes without possessing the genes that incite them, return to the society after their brainchips are fixed and regulated. The remembrances of their crimes are eliminated, and sometimes even a change of personality takes place.

Device to investigate about criminal mentality

Even though a human does not possesses criminal genes, he can, under some circumstances, have opinios and ideas that may endanger the Tipharean social system. In such cases, the felonious’ brainchip is confiscated, dismantled, and the causes that could have propitiated his menacing ideas are deeply investigated. The body, considered innofensive, genetically saying, is reduced to amino acids and returned to the DNA bank.

[Dharko]

My part in the party

This is my translation to the text. (My Lord! It is really difficult to translate Spanish-English!)

Hey, Dharko, where does this page come from?

I did it by myself, Im sorry

Really I only took Salem from the Vol.2 [It´s the same pict] and the text from the oooold "Norma Editorial" version, and finally I edited it in a new page HQ [High Quality] with little effects [shadows, etc.].
I am doing the version with Salem in color [for the "CACHÉ"], if you want see this, I can upload it too.

I´ll edit tomorrow with the english text until now, so, patient.

PD1: Excellent translation Sergio... but I dont like the "Alita" or "Thiphares" names, but I´ll put this name anywhere...
PD2: the Zamber kz90 page is almost ready...

[Sergio Nova]

I did it by myself, Im sorry

Wow! Great work!

PD1: Excellent translation Sergio... but I dont like the "Alita" or "Thiphares" names, but I´ll put this name anywhere...

Neither do I, but that is the terminology adopted in the American version. I jus preserved it, but what I appalud in the French version is that they preserve the original names.

By yhe way, am I mistaken or the Spanish edition uses the American terminology?

[Dharko]

Finally, the English version of the Salem Page:



Mistakes, tell me.

And Sadly, yes, the american version uses the fakes names like "Alita, Figura four, etc" PUAJJJJJ.

[Akumeno]

well thanks sergio for translating the page I'm sorry for being a lazy bum

[Cailon]

Ui, somehow I missed this posts, thanks for the Zalem page. Cool!

How is the Zanber page going?

[Sergio Nova]

Hey, Dharko, after a long winter, I did think I would find the Zanber page when returning
(although it does seem to be hard work).

[Dharko]

No, no hard work, just an age of "slack" XD

two days more...

[lyssla]

I love these extra details! Thanks guys!

BTW has anyone ever done a full translation of the tech notes or other extras that were included in the Complete Edition/reissues?

[Dharko]

Ammm Sergio... when the great Alita Glossary Spanish version...?

[Sergio Nova]

Ammm Sergio... when the great Alita Glossary Spanish version...?

Are you crazy?
Initially, the glossary was the result of some notes I had joined for myself. As I was reading the English language version of Gunnm, the notes were in English. I simply organized them better to publish the glossary.
I'd never make a Portuguese version simply because it would drive me crazy, let alone a third language. Worse, as a translator myself, I can assure that the worst possible work is to translate oneself.

[Sergio Nova]

Has anyone seen the Zanber page?
It was supposed to be around here on 14th.

[Dharko]

Finally the Zanber KZ90 English version 1.0. Errors tell me :

EDITED: THE FINAL VERSION IN THE NEXT PAGE

[Cailon]

Hey Dharko, I'm sorry, but it seems you have saved and used an older version of the script.

For example, the old script said (and so does the actual text now on the picture):

(2.) Zanber: a garage that manufactures custom-made firearms
---> while the latest script says: 2. Zanber: an atelier that manufactures custom-made firearms

or:
(6.) Triple/ Ternary rocket launcher
---> I wasn't sure which word to use but we decided to use: Ternary rocket launcher

or:
(7.) ...even steel-plates with a thickness of 3cm are being cutted with ease.
---> the latest script says: even steel-plates with a thickness of 3cm are easily cut.


Other things are:
- you interchanged the textboxes of "living aim" and "parasite belt"
- could you left-aligne most of the the text-blocks? I would say, it looks better. Although I like the right-aligned text in the boxes of "special options for members only" on the bottom left, it fits there. But center-aligned (is there such a word? I hope you know, what I mean) looks uncool^^

But all in all, I like the layout and position of the text-blocks, good work!
A pity that it was done with the old script...